


Demon Drink

by mishasan7



Series: Joshua Trees [2]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant as much as possible, Canon-Typical Violence, Chloe Decker knows, Deckerstar - Freeform, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Inspired by Music, Multi, Post-Season/Series 02, Sequel, Wordplay, but nods to Season 3, drunk lucifer, post-reveal, real demons wear wigs, wings and cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-05 16:23:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13391652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishasan7/pseuds/mishasan7
Summary: Chloe rolled over to retrieve her phone from the side table and yes, his message was there. It had really happened. All of it. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out again. Today was her first day of being ‘in the know’ and she had no idea how she was going to handle it.How was she supposed to act, after last night's Heavenly hand grenade had blown up her life? It was forever changed; she was forever changed. And yet, somehow, the world was still turning. Life went on.... or, the one where the gang head out for a drink to celebrate Chloe's new Celestial Insider status. Drinking, talking, fighting and a few laughs; all the elements of a fun night out?





	1. In the Know

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Happy New Year, and Happy New Lucifer next week!  
> I hope you had a lovely holiday season. I did - travelling with the family I managed to get a fair bit of writing done (at least, a fair bit for me) and I have a continuation of my Joshua Trees story for you, which I have turned into a series. Hope you like it!  
> It IS a sequel, and takes up where Joshua Trees left off, which diverged from series canon after the season 2 finale. So if you want to know what's going on, I suggest you read that one first.  
> By the way, if you have already read it, thank you so much! For reading, and giving lovely kudos and comments! I've never written such long stories before (this one is long too) and I am in no doubt that all of this inspiration is due to you wonderful, generous and supportive people. xxx
> 
> \- Joshua Trees is post season 2 finale so canon divergent from there, but with nods and references to events in Season 3 (as well as previous seasons) sprinkled throughout. Try to spot them all!  
> \- Italics are usually thoughts, but also used for emphasis. I hope it isn't confusing. I like to write in third person omniscient so I can see and hear everything. So basically I am God.  
> -Some strong but warranted language, because it's fun and they only get to say mild stuff like 'crap' and 'bastard' on the show.

“I’ve got you, Detective. Shall we?”

Lucifer Morningstar, aka Satan, fallen angel and former Lord of Hell, gently bounced Detective Chloe Decker in his arms as he perched on the balcony railing of his penthouse, luminescent white wings flapping gently for balance and his eyes bright with excitement. Chloe had to smile at the gleeful grin on his face; he looked like a naughty cherub. She nodded, fighting to keep her breathing steady and her hands from gripping his shirt. She kept her gaze steady on him but out of the corner of her eye saw movement on the street outside Lux, a sixteen-storey drop straight down. They were really gonna do this.

She felt Lucifer hold her a little closer and start tipping forward into space.

_Oh, G-_

A moment later they toppled off the railing, and she was proud as Hell she didn’t scream. She’d been bracing herself for a gut-wrenching plummet but instead they went into a smooth upward glide, those enormous, impossible wings flaring wide, catching the updraft off the side of the building and pumping strongly. She did however let out an involuntary squeal when he banked sharply sideways and swooped around the far side of the Lux building, then headed rapidly for the open night sky.

“Shit, Lucifer!”

“Apologies, Detective, but I thought it prudent to avoid the crowd down there. Can’t have them papping us, I’d get put on the naughty step again.”

Chloe didn’t want to think about what ‘the naughty step’ might mean - this was the Lord of Hell talking after all. Although right now she couldn’t think about much other than the fact they were currently higher than every skyscraper in L.A. and getting further from the ground with every passing second. She realised she was holding her breath again and let it out in a rush.

“Do we have to go so damn high?” she squeaked. He heard her, even over the roar of the wind rushing past them.

“Well yes Detective, unless of course you’d prefer to be spread across the front page of the Telegraph, or even the side of one of those highrises down there…”

Chloe shuddered. She couldn’t help it; she squinched closer to him and threw her arms tightly around his neck. Her face buried itself in his chest. She felt him tense.

“Detective? Are you alright?”

Chloe nodded, her eyes squeezed shut of their own accord. “Yep! Totally! I’m fine. Good. Really, totally, yep… dandy.”

Lucifer’s deep voice playfully caressed her ear. “Come now, Detective. Open your eyes, the view’s worth it.” He paused, then said uncertainly, “You said you trusted me…?” He was worried he was scaring her.

 _I did say that didn’t I._ Chloe took a deep, calming breath. _Right, Decker - you knew you were going to have another freak out but try to save it for later._

Chloe took another breath, ruthlessly shoved down the panic that threatened to take hold, and tentatively raised her head. In the glow emanating from the city lights below and Lucifer’s own soft luminescence, she saw him watching her, smiling encouragingly. Framing him were those majestic wings, beating strongly and rhythmically as they soared through the night sky. She was transfixed for several moments, watching in fascination how they’d fold slightly each time they rose to catch the air, then fan out and push powerfully downwards again with effortless grace.  She tore her gaze away, stomach fluttering madly, and looked back over his shoulder, her hair streaming in the wind.

She saw the familiar silhouette of the Lux building receding fast as they sped south. West Hollywood was lit up like a neon sign below them, and the grid of lights that spread out in all directions from the Sunset Strip to the Santa Monica pier to Downtown, was incongruously bright against the endless inky blackness of the Pacific to the west. And on the far side of the city she could see the vast dark void that was the desert.

From all the way up here, she could see L.A.’s sprawl as a small island of light and colour balanced on a knife’s edge between two massive wildernesses, a tiny part of something much bigger. And compared to all that, Chloe felt even smaller. And somehow, especially considering what she’d just learned about Lucifer, his Almighty Dad and the existence of both Heaven and Hell, that was reassuring. _There’s room for all of this._

“Wowww…” she breathed.

She suddenly realised she wasn’t scared any more. She felt completely safe with Lucifer despite the fact they were hurtling along at breakneck speed over a thousand feet in the air. Actually, come to think of it this was nothing compared to riding shotgun in his Corvette. At least he wasn’t chasing down aircraft and playing chicken with them.

When Chloe’s fears receded she felt a thrill unlike anything she’d ever known. She craned her neck to see past his wings, looked down at the city gliding by, and twisted around trying to see everything at once.

“Quite the fidget, aren’t you?” He murmured, subtly adjusting his grip.

“It’s so gorgeous up here! This is incredible, Lucifer!”

“You’re what’s incredible, Detective.” Chloe paused in her gawking to look at him. He was smiling happily at her, but there was something more in his eyes she couldn’t read.

“What are you talking about? I’m not the one _flying_ here, Lucifer! This is… as Ella would say, ‘I have no words!’” She giggled. She felt like she was high. Well, she _was_ high. Higher than any kite, and getting higher...

“I mean you. Taking all this in your stride. You always told me I could trust you and I really can. You’re an amazing human being. A…” he faltered. “...A bloody miracle.”

Chloe looked at him and her heart felt fit to burst. _Lucifer… the things you say to me…_

Her hand lifted to his face of its own accord. “Look who’s talking.”

Her other arm unwound from around his neck, hand trailing through the short hair at his nape, until she was cupping his strong jaw with both hands. Her thumbs tenderly rasping against the dark stubble, Chloe kissed him gently. Lucifer’s eyes widened and they dropped several feet in the air before he corrected himself.

“Detective, I…”

“Lucifer. Shut up.”

Chloe wrapped her arms back around his neck, fingertips tingling as they brushed the shoulders of his wings, and kissed him again, hard. He responded, tongue probing and a muffled moan escaping his lips as he crushed them to hers, and something pulsed deep in her stomach. Through half-lidded eyes Chloe saw the suffused glow emanating from Lucifer grow stronger, especially from his outspread wings.

He shone bright as a candle in the darkness, matching the moon far above them. She closed her eyes but saw an afterimage of him seared inside her eyelids as if she’d been looking at the sun. And then he growled _Detective,_ his mouth suddenly urgent on her neck _,_ and she gasped and saw fireworks instead _beep beep beep beep._ Chloe jerked awake, face buried in her pillow, and groaned in frustration. 

 _Fuck_. It was just a dream. Some dream though… she seemed to be making a habit of this.

As she gradually came fully awake, half-remembered snatches came trickling back. Being chased through shadowy labyrinthine passages... glistening blood on dark concrete… a single glowing feather… that stomach-fluttering swoop over the night streets of L.A...

Surely it had to have been a dream. It was way too crazy to have really happened… wasn’t it?

She might have thought so except when she rolled over to hit the snooze button pain flared unexpectedly in her chest and she yelped. She lifted her pyjama top to see a pair of dime-sized scabs where two gunshots had impacted her body armor, half encircled by a blood-red halo. It was typical backface signature bruising, and they had spread overnight to cover almost half of her chest. She could also see a small crack in the screen of her cellphone from where she’d dropped it… after she’d been shot in the leg and nearly bled to death before being rescued by her partner, who yes, was in fact the Devil. She gulped. It had happened, all right.

But now it seemed even crazier because in the cold grey light of morning with her alarm buzzing her awake like any other day it made the most terrifying, revealing, wondrous night of her life even more impossible.

The dream had been slightly different to what had really gone down, and was probably just some weird way for her subconscious to process everything. ...That completely outta left field part about kissing Lucifer hadn’t happened, and it wouldn’t, as she totally did NOT have those feelings about him any more.

He’d been clear he just wanted their partnership and friendship, and she’d accepted that and moved on. They as a ‘they’ were completely rearview. In. The. Past. Latest revelations notwithstanding. Linda might say the dream was ‘life-affirming’, or represented their new connection, or ...something. But definitely nothing romantic. Nope.

As for what really happened, after he’d been all sweet and called her a miracle, he’d simply given her the rundown on what had happened at the pier after she’d passed out. The most important thing being her shooter had gotten his hand blown off by his own gun before he could coup de grâce her in the head. She’d gone cold when Lucifer had told her that, though he’d been a little vague on details. She planned to check the crime scene reports when she got to work and hopefully fill in some of the blanks.

As for the evidence that had been at the scene, she didn’t have a clue how Lucifer had done it, but after he’d landed them safely away from prying cop eyes (and fussed for a minute over his ‘cyclone hair’) he’d disappeared... and somehow managed to both retrieve her belongings and get rid of the massive pool of her blood in the shipping yard without any of the CSI techs or various local and federal agents spotting him. _She_ hadn’t even seen him.

She’d given her carefully censored statement, half in a state of disbelief that anyone would actually believe it, then once the medical guys had given her the all clear - by some (other) miracle not even a cracked rib, though it sure felt like it - the lead investigator had sent her home. No hospital, and thanks to her vest she wouldn’t even be relegated to desk duty.

When she’d got back to her still-locked car she’d found her phone and gun inside and noticed that Lucifer had sent her a message.

 _Mischief managed._ With a devil emoji, followed by a thumbs up.

She rolled gingerly over to retrieve her phone from the side table and yes, his message was there. It had really happened. All of it. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out again. Today was her first day of being ‘in the know’ and she had no idea how she was going to handle it.

How was she supposed to act, after last night's Heavenly hand grenade had blown up her life? It was forever changed; _she_ was forever changed. And yet, somehow, the world was still turning. Life went on.

 _Like it did after Dad died_ , she thought. _And now I_ know _he’s_ up there _somewhere, rooting for us_. A small smile slowly turned up the corner of her mouth. She could do this.

“Well,” she announced to the ceiling, “like you always say, Dad, just do the job in front of you, right?” She didn’t know if he could hear her like Lucifer could, but she imagined she heard him answer.

_Just do your best, Monkey, one thing at a time, and you’ll get through it._

So she rolled gingerly out of bed and headed for the shower.

 

\----------------

 

“You got in late last night. Finally get some action did you Decker?”

Chloe started in surprise. As per usual, she hadn’t known Maze was there until she was practically talking into her ear. Supernaturally sneaky, a total lack of personal boundaries, the love of inflicting punishment … as with Lucifer so much now made a crazy kind of sense about her roomie. Mazikeen, her _demon_ roomie. Who was currently, just as she did most mornings when Trixie was at Dan’s, giving her shit about her sex life. Or lack thereof.

It was totally weird; the knowledge that Maze and Lucifer were much more than they appeared to be was simultaneously a huge deal and not a big deal at all. All you had to do was try really, really hard to remember angels and demons were people too. Then it was easy. Well, easi _er_.

“Action? Uh… yeah. You could say that.”

Chloe mentally added, _just not the kind of action you’re thinking of._ She grinned.

“How ‘bout I tell you all about it over pancakes? If you’ve got time?”

Maze’s face lit up. “Pancakes? Hell yeah! I’ve always got time for pancakes, you know that.”

 _Yes I do_ , Chloe thought fondly, and as she got out the ingredients they swapped notes on Trixie, who had recently discovered swearing, to her mother’s horror. Naturally, Maze approved and thought they should encourage it, so the breakfast table conversation was lively to say the least.

 

\--------------------

 

A while later, once pleasantly full of pancakes and her usual vodka-spiked coffee, Maze took the news of Lucifer having outed himself, and by extension herself and Amenadiel too, reasonably well. ‘Reasonably’ in that there was only a few minutes of the kind of language that would make a priest’s ears smoke, highly specific threats to pull off a selection of Lucifer’s body parts and shove them into various other body parts, and only one new hole punched through the wall. Chloe decided to head her off before their apartment got any more trashed.

“ _Maze!_ ”

Maze rounded on her. “What?”

“Stop punching holes in things! What’s wrong?”

“What’s _wrong_ is that Lucifer told you and now you’re going to freak out and kick me out and that selfish _asshole_ already did this once without telling me and I nearly lost my best friend over it and he just doesn’t _think! I am going to tar and feather that sonofabitch with his own goddamned feathers..._ ” She swore viciously in a strange guttural language and Chloe had a sudden mental image of popping joints and blood spatter.

She raised her voice to be heard over Maze’s ranting. “I’m not the one freaking out! You are.”

Maze opened her mouth to yell some more, then stopped, surprised, and regarded her roommate doubtfully for several moments.

“Bullshit. How could you be cool with this? Linda was so scared she avoided us for days.”

Chloe shrugged. “I’ve seen a lot more than Linda had? Had already believed him once before? Lucifer’s saved my life a bunch of times, which puts him firmly in the ‘Devil good’ column? Plus, Trixie adores both of you. My daughter has notoriously high standards.”

Maze stared at her, dumbstruck, then the corner of her mouth twitched. Chloe was sure of it.

Chloe smiled, a little shyly, then added, “Of course, I’m still getting used to the idea; I’ve already had a couple of minor freak outs, and to be honest I’ll probably have more, but I’m doing okay.”

“Like, really okay? I don’t need to get you a paper bag or slap you or anything?”

“Nope. I’ve known since last night and I’m still here, aren’t I? I even made you pancakes.”

Maze’s expression was a heartbreaking mix of hope and disbelief. Chloe knew it well; it was the same expression Lucifer had worn last night when he’d realised she wasn’t going to run. Her heart twinged at the realisation that despite how insensitive, rude and downright infuriating the pair of them could be at times they really did care about her, and were really worried about losing her friendship. She marvelled again at Lucifer’s courage in choosing to be honest with her; she knew it couldn’t have been easy, especially after what had happened with Linda.

“Maze - I’m fine.”

Maze appeared greatly cheered by her words but then seemed to remember she was supposed to be pissed off.

She grumbled, “Yeah… okay. I can see that. But he still shouldn’t have done it…”

“If he hadn’t done what he did I wouldn’t be here.”

“What _did_ he do, exactly?”

“Well, you know that gunrunner thing out at Long Beach I told you about?”

Maze nodded.

“It went sideways. I got shot, and it was… bad. Long story short I accidentally prayed, he came and rescued me, then flew me to the penthouse and healed me.” She laughed dryly. “Even the toughest skeptic couldn’t argue with that.”

Maze chewed her lip, frowning. Then she huffed a resigned sigh.

“Call him for me.”

 _Yes!_ Chloe smiled in relief and pulled her phone from her pocket. Maze facepalmed.

“No, _call_ him.” Maze put her hands together and rolled her eyes.

“Oh yeah.” That’s a thing now. “Why don’t you?”

Maze snorted in derision. “ _I_ don’t pray. And besides,” she gestured at herself. “ _...demon._ He couldn’t hear me even if I did. And my phone’s out of credit.”

“Uh… okay.” Chloe put her hands together and closed her eyes.

_Hey Lucifer, it’s Chloe._

_Hi. How’s it going? I’m good._

_Just... um… wondering if you’d come over for a minute, Maze wants to talk to you._

_Uh, thanks._

_Amen._

She cracked one eye open and looked around the room. No Lucifer. Maybe he was still asleep… would it wake him up if she prayed harder?

Then they heard a light thump and a rustle of feathers from the upstairs hallway. Lucifer peeked cautiously around the corner. “Is it safe?”

Maze crossed her arms and called out, “Yes. I’m done throwing knives at you. For now.”

Chloe did a double take. _Knives?_ She threw knives at him? So that’s where all the cutlery had disappeared to the other day.

Lucifer smiled and walked casually downstairs to join them in the kitchen, straightening his cuffs and attempting to regain his dignity. Chloe noted he still kept a wary distance from Maze, who regarded him without expression. Maze cleared her throat.

“You saved Chloe.”

Lucifer nodded carefully. “I did.”

“And you visited Linda.”

Lucifer nodded again. “I did that too.”

Maze studied her fingernails. “She looks good. And she told me it wasn’t your fault, what happened. She _insisted_ it at me.” She scowled.

Chloe watched the exchange, mystified. What had happened with Linda? She looked at Lucifer; he frowned and studied the floor.

“I’d use them for you, too, Mazikeen,” he said softly. Then his eyes lifted to lock with Maze’s, and his voice was resolute. “I’d take you, you know, if you truly wanted to go.”

Maze uncrossed her arms and relaxed into an easier stance. “Thanks for the offer, Lucifer, it means a lot. But no.” She smiled. “My home is here now. Besides, coming to Earth has... changed me, more than I ever thought possible.” Her expression became confused.

“When I thought I was going to lose her, I…” she paused, her face twisting in a pained look that was so _not_ Maze that Lucifer’s eyes widened in shock. “I... _cried_. In front of your brother, even.” She looked absolutely horrified by the idea.

Lucifer looked extremely uncomfortable as well.

“Not to worry Maze, I’m sure it was only temporary, it ah… happens to the best of us...” He took an awkward half step toward her just as Chloe reached out a comforting hand.

Suddenly Maze’s expression turned fierce, there was a sliding metallic _snikkk_ sound and both of her knives were in her hands. Through clenched teeth she gritted furiously, “If either of you try to hug me I will _gut_ you.”

Both Lucifer and Chloe froze, then looked at each other.

“Uh, so, Lucifer...” Chloe said conversationally, “… pancake?”

 

\-----------------------------

 

Over a second batch of pancakes and vodka (seriously unfair how these guys could eat like horses and drink like fish and never gain a single pound) Chloe and Lucifer swapped stories of what had happened after they’d parted ways the night before. Well, to be more accurate Lucifer hadn’t particularly cared about the aftermath of the bust, but Chloe had found out Lux was closed for repairs until tomorrow night. He’d told her why - he’d blown all the lights so that he could fly to her rescue - but hadn’t explained how he’d done it. She was just about to ask him when he cut her off excitedly, beaming.

“So I have tonight off! And I was thinking it would be the perfect opportunity to go and have that drink we talked about. We need to celebrate you popping your supernatural cherry, Detective! And like I said I want to experiment with this intoxicating effect you have on me. Linda will come too, of course.”

Chloe nodded. Yes. Linda. She was looking forward to talking to her about all this. Even if it wasn’t officially therapy a chat over a few beers would go a long way toward helping her accept this new reality.

“Sounds like fun. Although what do you mean, ‘intoxicating effect’? I remember you said something about that last night too and I still don’t know what you meant.”

Lucifer glanced shiftily at Maze, then back to her. “Simply that for some reason alcohol has a greater effect on me when I’m around you. Drugs too. Found that out at Westridge. Remember? When Nurse Bad Santa tried to kill me and Johnson.”

Wait, what?

“So normally alcohol doesn’t affect you but when I’m around it does?”

“More or less.”

“Why?”

“I don't know.” _Which is technically true,_ Lucifer thought to himself. _I don’t know **why** Dad made me vulnerable around the Detective. Leverage, probably. Though in that case putting my wings back on was counter-productive. Either way, I’ll save the literal vulnerability talk for after we’ve had a few drinks. _

“Is it… because we’re partners, or something? Because we spend so much time together? Am I… I don’t know… rubbing off on you?”

Lucifer’s eyes sparkled with mischief and he opened his mouth to make a wisecrack but Chloe shushed him first.

“Never mind. I knew it was a mistake the second the words came outta my mouth.”

Lucifer cackled. “Don’t take it personally Detective. Celestial beings are prone to… changing… after spending time on Earth. All of us.”

Chloe puffed out a breath. “Okay then. Weird but okay. Okay. So... in that case, I think it’d be for the best if your first time getting really hooched up isn’t done at Lux, it wouldn’t be the best look,” she suggested reasonably.

“You make a good point. I have an image to maintain, after all.”

Maze nodded in agreement then added casually, “Yeah, Chloe’s right, you don’t wanna shit in your own nest.”

She looked up at Lucifer innocently. Too innocently. Lucifer’s eyes narrowed.

“Bird jokes, Mazikeen? Really?”

She sniggered.

“Where shall we go, then?” Chloe steered them back on topic.

“We don’t need to go far from Lux. We could do a bar crawl on the Strip, check out the competition?” Maze suggested.

Lucifer scoffed. “ _Please_ ! As _if_ they’re any competition.”

Maze amended, “Okay then, I have a place in mind.”

“Is the music any good at least? I will not tolerate substandard tunes,” Lucifer sniffed.

“The music is good – there’s a jukebox. We could maybe even do some karaoke? It’s a bit of a shithole but anyplace is compared to Lux. I know the bar manager.”

“Because that worked out so well last time,” Chloe muttered.

“Yeah it did, didn’t it...” Maze said with a nostalgic smile on her face. Whether she was thinking of them becoming roomies or the brawl that trashed the tiki bar afterwards Chloe wasn’t sure; Maze probably got the warm fuzzies from both.

“Okay I’m in. But first…” she said as she started clearing away their dishes, “I’ve got a Friday to get through including a bunch of paperwork from last night unless we catch a new case. Plus I have to convince our new lieutenant to reinstate you as my partner. Great first impression; Pierce’s going to think I’m a total flake.”

Lucifer flapped a hand dismissively. “Oh don’t worry about that, Detective, I’ll talk to her.”

“Him.”

“Him then. I’ll come by a bit later - Amenadiel’s stopping by first… he called me too, but on the phone, just before you did. Said he wants to _apologise_ ,” he said meaningfully.

Maze’s eyebrows went up and Lucifer nodded grimly.

“Yes. Something must be seriously wrong.”

 

\----------------------

 

The elevator dinged and Amenadiel stepped into the penthouse. Lucifer stopped pacing and rounded on him.

“What’s going on?”

Amenadiel was taken aback. “What? Nothing.”

“You must want something. It isn’t like you to admit fault, especially to me, so out with it, Brother. Has that moll Azrael shown up again?”

“No, nothing like that. I just wanted to say…” he took a deep breath, “How sorry I am for how I reacted to you getting your wings back. My ego took a hit, especially since my powers haven’t returned after all, and it was petty of me to punish you for it. I should have been happy for you; Father has rewarded you, and justly so. You kept Mom from challenging Father and showed her mercy, averted a war with our siblings, and then had to endure our sister’s misguided revenge. And when you needed me I turned my back on you. I could at least have counselled you against cutting your wings off again but I was thinking only of myself and how much I wanted what you had been given.”

Lucifer looked at his brother wordlessly for a long moment, then poured whisky into two tumblers and passed him one.

“That must have been Hell to say.”

Amenadiel grimaced and took a sip. “You have no idea.”

“I have some. And I salute you for saying it.”

“I spoke with Linda - she told me what you did for her. And for Chloe.” Amenadiel’s eyes were hopeful. “Does this mean you’ve accepted your wings - and decided to keep them after all?”

Lucifer shrugged noncommittally. “Maybe.”

Amenadiel pushed, “Do you wish to reclaim your throne?”

Lucifer laughed scornfully. “Of course not! What have I been telling you all this time?”

Amenadiel put both hands up in an _o-kay_ gesture and Lucifer sobered.

“Besides, even if I wanted to I couldn’t.” At Amenadiel’s confused look he added, “Not only did Dad return my wings, he took my Devil face as well.”

Lucifer recoiled slightly at the look on Amenadiel’s face. He looked … bloody enraptured.

“Luci, don’t you see what this means? Father resurrected your wings... healed your burns… restored your angelic form and powers! That’s surely a sign of His forgiveness!”

Lucifer exploded in a sudden rage. “What if I don’t _want_ His forgiveness!?”

Amenadiel was taken aback at his brother’s reaction. “But Lucifer, why?”

“He should be asking for mine! After everything I’ve done for the bastard, the aeons of punishment I’ve borne, He continues to torment me, trying to control me, to tell me who I am! I won’t stand for it.”

Amenadiel frowned in confusion. “Luci, I think you’re seeing a manipulation where there isn’t one…”

Lucifer, incensed, let his wings burst forth. “Uh hello, Brother? Here’s a nice big white feathery metaphor for you.” He angrily jerked his shoulders and his wings vanished again.

“I am _no_ angel. Not anymore, not since He cast me away. I am _the Devil_ . He shouldn’t have taken my scars, my _face_ , from me. They were _mine_. I earned them.”

“But your wings… He gave your wings back so you could save Chloe, didn’t you say?”

“Well I’ve been pondering that actually, and I’ve come to realise that theory is bollocks. After all, the Detective wouldn’t even have been in trouble in the first place if it wasn’t for Him.”

Amenadiel gave him a quizzical look. “How so?”

“If He hadn’t taken my Devil face Chloe would have believed me when I told her who I was, wouldn’t she? Then she wouldn’t have been mad at me, I would’ve been with her at the docks, and I wouldn’t have let her get shot.”

He slammed his glass down on the bar. “That entire clusterfuck was Dad’s fault and I will **not** be manipulated into feeling gratitude to Him!”

Amenadiel put his hands up in a placating gesture. He knew Lucifer had long lost faith in their Father, and Amenadiel couldn’t really blame him after everything that had happened between them. But maybe he could help his brother to see that he cared about him, and he was sure their Father did too.

“You’re the Devil - I know that. You always will be. But you must admit you _have_ changed from the old Lord of Hell. There are humans you care about, and you’ve used your wings and your God-given powers to help them... even given your life to protect one of them. Twice.” Lucifer gave a half-hearted scoff and stalked away to seek refuge at his piano. Amenadiel pressed on.

“But this is good, Luci. This is so good. Because I’ve finally figured out what my test is. It’s you.” Lucifer’s dark gaze fixed on him.

“I’m supposed to help you. Maybe learn from you. When my powers returned last week it was to help you send Mom away.”

Lucifer gave a disbelieving laugh. “But you didn’t know what was going on, didn’t have a clue she was about to blow up! You thought you were helping Linda!”

“It doesn’t matter! It all happened as Father wanted it to. I’m sure of it. I lost my faith before - I had Fallen because of my own stupid, dangerous actions, and then I was angry at Father for it. Not any more. And now I am certain that Father wants me to just... be here for you. Be your ‘guardian angel’.” He chuckled. “To have your back. Now that you’re evolving.”

Amenadiel smiled in satisfaction and took a sip from his drink. He hadn’t felt so sure of himself since before he’d Fallen. It felt good to finally feel his purpose again, to again feel like he was part of his Father’s Divine Plan, and have hope that he would regain his wings and his powers. And Lucifer, the most irredeemable of all, was leading the way. Lucifer had endured so much, and it was about time his family started looking out for him. Amenadiel felt a swell of affection toward his little brother.

Which is why it came as such a shock when Lucifer shortly afterwards told him a story, yelled at him, and kicked him out on his ass.

 

\-----------------------

 

Lucifer bellowed in rage and hurled his empty whisky tumbler across the room. When it shattered against the wall he took great pleasure in visualising it as his brother’s face. _He’s at it again!!_

...Every bloody time he allowed Amenadiel back into his life the arrogant arse never failed to prove what an unrelenting twat he was. The smug, sanctimonious prick. God’s Firstborn might have been officially fired as Dad’s fanboy on Earth but it seemed he was back to being His little bitch. It was testament to how determined Amenadiel was to get his wings back he’d just stood there and taken everything Lucifer had dished out at him instead of going straight to the counterattack like he normally did… though that was probably more due to the fact that his powerless and pathetic brother barely stood a chance of even laying a finger on him any more.

Amenadiel was Dad’s whipping boy just as he was, the only difference was Amenadiel would take every cruelty Dad dished out and call it a lesson, or explain it away with that old ‘God works in mysterious ways’ chestnut.

_As if it excused what that bastard did to me._

And that backhanded little dig about how he was ‘evolving’ - as if he hadn’t already known his Father, eldest brother - _Hell,_ his entire _family_ \- had never considered him good enough. When he Fell it had proven to them that he was the lowest of the low, unworthy, unholy. Irredeemably evil. They would never think anything different, no matter what he did.

And Amenadiel saying he wanted to be there for him - HAH!

 _He’s only hanging around and helping me because he thinks Dad wants him to. Because he thinks it’ll get him his wings back, not for_ me _. He’ll try to use and manipulate me the same as he always has._

So Amenadiel _did_ want something from him. Dad too, and he’d sent his Favourite Son to keep tabs on the Prodigal one and whisper in his ear.

_Well, Dad, I’ve changed my mind. I had it right the first time._

It took most of the morning to figure out how to do it on his own, but he managed it. After a great deal of blood, sweat and cursing, his wings were off again, dumped on the floor of his walk-in robe. He’d done it a whole lot less efficiently than Maze had, for sure, but the preternaturally sharp demon blade she’d left behind did the job just fine - once he’d MacGyvered the grip using a wooden spoon and some duct tape.

He took a leaf out of that hiker’s book, the one who’d cut his own arm off to escape being trapped by a boulder. Lucifer hadn’t needed to break any bones, though - since his wings came straight out of his scapular joints wrenching dislocations sufficed, which he achieved with the aid of a bookshelf. His back fucking hurt, but at least drugs and booze worked again, however briefly, and a little pain was worth it to once again give his dad the finger.

He took all the drugs he could find in the penthouse and forced down the last of that revolting Everclear turps, and it eased the pain until he had healed sufficiently to get on with his day. He showered and dressed again, gritting his teeth against the familiar agony, then headed to the precinct to meet the Detective for a case. Where yet again he felt his father’s interference.

 

The case led them to the desert. When he found himself back amongst the Joshua Trees with the sun beating down and gravelly dust underfoot Lucifer had to laugh; Dad wasn’t even trying to be subtle.

A man had been kidnapped and left to die in a hole by his friend, someone who’d supposedly been like a brother to him. Lucifer didn’t normally concern himself with the dead but in this case he was only barely able to restrain himself from tearing the unwitting killer limb from limb. Only the fool’s distress and clear remorse, and the intervention of the Detective, stayed his hand.

He found himself on edge all day, in torment from his back and the dredging up of unwelcome memories. The Detective tried to get him to talk, but he’d already burdened her with so much.

This evening, some fun in the Detective’s company, and the prospect of copious amounts of booze that might actually numb the pain couldn’t come quickly enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- How Lucifer takes off is based on my own experience with hang-gliding. I too was expecting a drop when we ran off the top of the cliff but nope! Just a smooth upward glide like we were on a zipline or something. It was a fantastic experience and strongly recommend it :)  
> \- Chloe's Dad's catchphrase, "Just do the job in front of you" is paraphrased from a work by - yes, again, my favourite author - Sir Terry Pratchett. It's from 'Night Watch', my second fave book.


	2. Barbie & Ken Party at the El Diablo Clubhouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first round of drinks. And the second. Lucifer and Chloe get the big stuff out of the way first and Chloe and Linda take turns at being each other's therapist.

**What** a day.

As she dropped Trixie at her friend’s house for an impromptu sleepover and got ready to head out with Maze, Chloe mulled over the events of the past 24 hours.

As soon as she’d got to work that morning she’d checked to see if there was any fallout from what had happened at the docks. She’d scoured the crime scene reports from the Feds, CSI techs, and witness statements but found nothing unusual. How could something so incredible have happened and everyone be so clueless?

 _Pot calling kettle,_ she chided herself, cheeks burning. That was her up until last night, even working side by side with the Devil himself for several months. And she knew she still didn’t have the full picture.

She sighed. She was really going to have to quit kicking herself over it. Though she did wonder if anyone else would figure it out; he was just so open about it. But even if people did believe the Devil existed, because of his rep no one would ever suspect he’d be honest about who he was. Which was why everyone figured Lucifer was either (a) affecting a stage persona or (b) just an embodiment of LA’s particular brand of weird. It was the perfect cover, the craziest thing being it wasn’t a cover at all.

Lucifer had filled her in last night on what had happened so she could give a credible statement, but she’d got the feeling he was holding something back. He’d said that he didn’t want to dump too much on her at once, considering she’d already received two massive shocks to the system within 15 minutes. Which, with her head still spinning from nearly dying then learning the otherworldly truth about her partner, she couldn’t disagree with.

The suspects apparently hadn’t had much to say - two had had their legs knocked out from under them from behind ‘by a whole gang of people’, later waking up with broken legs 15 feet off the ground on top of shipping containers. A getaway car with another five armed suspects in it had ‘lost control’ and somehow plowed straight through a warehouse wall, and her would-be murderer was a gibbering wreck in the ICU with his right hand blown off. Ballistics had said the gun had suffered a catastrophic misfire but they didn’t know why; possibly an issue with the propellant, but there wasn’t enough left of it to analyse. That had been an incredibly lucky break. She shivered, thinking how close she’d come.

So she hadn’t needed to do any damage control at all. Their case today, though, that was a different story. Now that she _knew_ , she felt the need to cover for her partner because he really didn’t seem to have much of a clue as to how ‘incognito’ worked... although brazening it out seemed to be working for him so far. But even he must have figured out there were limits as to what people would shrug off; a guy who called himself Lucifer walking around with wings, for example.

Now that the initial shock had mostly worn off, she’d been insanely curious and asked loads of questions, but he’d been unusually reticent on the two subjects she’d been most curious about. Firstly, his wings. He’d hedged and deflected and when she’d finally asked him why he was being so damn cagey he testily responded he wished she’d forget about the bloody things. And secondly, he wasn’t all that forthcoming over what had happened to him in the desert, either.

He seemed to take today’s tragically botched prank kidnapping case even more personally than usual. She had no doubt it was due to his recent experiences; from what little he _had_ said to her, she knew it’d been pretty harrowing out there.

She shook her head, remembering the stunt he’d pulled at the Angelette Hotel. He’d developed quite a lot of self-restraint since they’d started working together, and it helped that he always listened to her, but with his mercurial nature she didn’t always have time to, say, stop him throwing suspects off rooftops for being a smartass.

Something was bothering him, but she’d thought they’d moved beyond keeping secrets. She hoped he’d open up a little more tonight.

\------------------

**A bar on Sunset Boulevard**

“Behold, Son of the Morning; the grimiest shithole dive this side of Purgatory.”

They all stood clustered in the doorway, the strains of AC/DC’s _Back in Black_ blaring through the darkened corners of the already lively bar. The clientele were an eclectic mix, some dressed in work attire and some more casually, some in post-punk jeans with sculpted hair and others with that perma-tanned, glamorous, somewhat plastic LA look. Chloe had a thought that it looked a bit like a Barbie and Ken party at the El Diablo clubhouse.

Lucifer was, as always, strikingly out of place in his elegant three-piece suit and Italian leather dress shoes but also as always, not caring in the slightest. He stepped in like he owned the place and surveyed the bar with a critical eye.

Next to him Linda’s eyebrows went up. “How did you find this place, Maze? It’s not very… uh… you.”

Maze nodded. “No. But it’s a good spot for getting intel on bail jumpers. I meet most of my informants here.”

Lucifer smiled and rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

“Lovely. This will do nicely.” He reached for his back pocket and pulled out a wad of cash the size of a baby’s head. He handed it to Maze, who didn’t even bat an eyelid.

“Be a dear, Maze, and deliver this to your friend Jeremy?” Maze moved off towards the bar and Lucifer called loudly after her, “And make sure he knows better than to serve us the commoner swill!”

He turned back to Linda and Chloe, smiling eagerly. Curling a long arm around each of them he guided them through the bar.

“My treat tonight, ladies! It’s our celestial coming out party and nothing is too good for our refreshingly non-judgy friends.”

They took over two high bar tables in a secluded corner by the wall, right near the old Wurlitzer jukebox. Lucifer immediately queued up several tunes and invited the others to do the same, not before entreating Chloe to avoid Def Leppard, the Bangles and the other cheesy bands he knew lurked in her phone. Maze guarded the jukebox, her casual stance belying the trouble promised in her dark eyes should any outsiders dare approach it.

By the time Faith No More’s _Easy_ started up, the first tray of shots had already arrived. Lucifer handed out shots to everyone and raised his glass in a toast to the two human women.

“To the Detective and Doctor Linda. Here’s to your brilliantly un-melted brains, as well as to both of you narrowly cheating Death recently, the spiteful, stunted little harpy.” Chloe and Linda both did a double take at each other. Their expressions said it all.

_You nearly died, too?_

Lucifer of course didn’t notice, focused as he was on starting the drinking.

“Tonight we kick off your new wellness regime.” He paused, then added, “Mine too. Bottoms up!”

They all raised their glasses and threw back the contents, then reached for another. Which Lucifer, Maze and Linda also tossed straight back. The girls continued the chat they’d started on the walk down from Lux and Chloe was quite glad they were preoccupied, as she had a burning question for Lucifer and she was feeling a bit self-conscious about asking it.

She blurted, “I’ve been wondering - should I start going to church?” And even as she said the words she thought _just look who you’re asking!_

Predictably, Lucifer rolled his eyes and made a _choh_ sound. “Why subject yourself to something so boring? You’ve never gone before.”

“But I never believed in all this stuff before.”

“That’s of no consequence. Unless believing is going to change how you live your life? Are you going to treat people differently? Change jobs? Do something drastic like become a nun?” _Dad forbid,_ he added under his breath.

“Well no, but I don’t want to end up in Hell just because I never took an hour a week to go to a service…”

Lucifer made an irritated noise. “Pssht! You won’t! It doesn’t work that way. And even though I don’t do the judging and take no part in who goes to Hell, _you_ know that _I_ know what I’m talking about.”

Chloe had to concede to the Prince of Darkness' expertise on the matter. She nodded solemnly, held up another shot glass, and after he clinked his to it they tossed them back together. Chloe gestured for him to continue.

“All that fire and brimstone bollocks is just another way of putting bums on seats - that ‘artistic license’ I was telling you about last night.” At her confused look he hurriedly added, “Not about the punishments, that’s true enough, sort of, but about the nature of sin. And bums on seats means coin in the coffers. Just more of the same old story; money and power.” He sighed.

“You can’t buy salvation. You can’t turn up to church every week, drop money in the collection plate then go home and beat your wife or betray your friends or hurt people. It’s the life you live, your choices and actions that dictate where you go.”

Lucifer’s mouth twisted. “Many a ‘holy’ man found out too late that yes, bishops answer for their sins just as paupers do, and earthly status doesn’t forestall eternal punishment. And I have always _particularly_ despised liars and hypocrites,” he muttered darkly. Chloe shivered.

“So if the Church is so corruptible, why is your Dad so big on them?”

Lucifer shrugged. “I haven’t the foggiest. No idea what He sees in them, or in the whole worship thing. It’s not like He actually makes Himself _useful_.”

He paused thoughtfully, then continued, “Churches are just people. With the Christian offshoots, for example; Peter was the ‘Rock’, and him and the rest of Josh’s crew got things rolling. And people have always been just as capable of being selfish and vicious as they are of being compassionate and altruistic. So Churches are both as well. That won’t ever change.”

Chloe frowned. That was probably true, though as someone with a job where you saw the dark side of humanity day in day out it was a little disheartening to hear she likely wasn’t making a difference. _But then_ , she reasoned, _it’s only been about six years that he’s been out of Hell, which I have to admit must be even worse than the homicide beat in LA. Before that he saw_ only _the worst of us. Maybe he just hasn’t seen enough of the good yet._

“As to the ‘organised’ side of religion, many find comfort in talking to Dad with others. Many prefer one-on-one. Not that either method matters, since He’ll ignore you no matter what you do.”

Hmm. Another piece of evidence that supported the God Is A Dick Theory. She’d never met Him, had only just found out He really existed, and already she thought he was a total penis.

“What about people of different religions?”

“There’s no ‘right’ branch of faith, no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ beliefs, unless their practice inflicts suffering. Those self-righteous extremists always get a rude shock when they arrive downstairs. It’s hilarious.” He smirked.

“If anyone tries to force their beliefs on you, tell them to go to Hell. And they just might - no one gets a pass to fuck with Free Will, not even Father. After all, several hundred of my best acquaintances are atheists and agnostics, good people who will eventually end up in the Silver City, as boring as that will be. And a support group or volunteer organisation are just as valid places to do good as a church or mosque is. Or… a police station.”

Chloe smiled. Lucifer returned the smile, a cheeky glint in his eyes.

“And besides, even if you did somehow end up downstairs you’re besties with the CEO. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Chloe laughed then. Then shook her head. “This is so surreal! I’m sitting in a bar doing shots and discussing the relative merits of religion with Satan. On only the first round! Sorry in advance for any random freak outs. But it’s weird how fine I feel; I feel like I should be doing more... freaking out.”

Lucifer nodded sagely. “You’re doing splendidly. This ability to normalise just about about anything is simultaneously one of your species’ greatest strengths and one of its greatest weaknesses. But even so, you’re an anomaly, Detective.” He smiled proudly at her, then excused himself to go top up the playlist on the jukebox.

Your _species_ , Chloe thought, watching him go. _As in not his. He might_ look _human, but he’s an immortal divine being, billions of years old. Older than my fucking_ **_planet_ ** _._ Standing right there with one hand casually on the jukebox and the other in his pocket, frowning a little as he flicked through the music lists.

A sudden roaring in her ears almost drowned out all noise from the bar around her – and just like that she was freaking out again.

It was little things like this that she was finding caused the most reaction in her daily dealings with Lucifer, and caused the world to tilt crazily on its axis. Because somehow, she kept forgetting who he really was. And then he’d make some offhand comment about his dad, or something he used to do in Hell… all the stuff he’d always said, but previously she’d just ignored or translated from Luciferish into the real world.

But now she knew everything he said was the literal truth. Sometimes it was funny and sometimes it freaked her out, and it was harder at work because either way she had to remember to pretend like he was kidding, or being method. She let out a slow breath and slid her hand over for another shot, and suddenly found her hand enveloped by someone else’s. She looked down and saw that it was Linda’s. She looked up and saw that the therapist was watching her, smiling sympathetically. She gave her captured fingers a reassuring squeeze.

“You get used to it,” she said. “It’s a lot to take in. Take it from me though, you’re dealing with it _incredibly_ well.”

Chloe’s mouth quirked in a teasing grin, though it wobbled a bit around the edges.

“Thanks, Doctor Feelgood.”

Linda chuckled. “No problem. Us puny humans gotta stick together, right?”

Chloe’s sudden bark of laughter was tinged with mild hysteria and she clapped a restraining hand over her mouth when she noticed Lucifer and Maze at the jukebox looking at her strangely. Linda picked up two shots and handed her one, her eyebrow raised in silent understanding. Chloe gratefully accepted it, then they clinked their glasses and tossed them back. A beat later they put down their empties and both of them started talking at once.

“Uh… cheated death?! _What the Hell - ?”_

“ _You nearly died_? When did - ?”

They stopped, also in unison. Chloe honestly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“You first,” Linda prodded gently.

Chloe blew out a breath and looked down at the table, willing herself to stay calm. She’d been talking about this stuff with Lucifer all day, why did it suddenly feel like talking about it to Linda would be like reliving it again? Not to mention make her sound like a whackjob? But she _knew_ Linda already knew, had known about Lucifer for months now…

She tried to keep her voice light, carefree. Nonchalant.

“Last night. I got shot and would have bled out if Lucifer hadn’t flown in and rescued me. Devil real, healing feathers, wings, the whole deal.”

She looked up at Linda and was taken aback to see an awestruck expression on Linda’s face.

“And that was the first you knew about who Lucifer really is?”

Chloe nodded, feeling her face redden again. “More or less.” _Get over it, Decker…_

“And you actually went to work today? And are now here, hanging out with both of them? Holy shit.”

Chloe’d had plenty of those same thoughts herself over the course of the day, but she’d just kept reminding herself; he’s just Lucifer the Pudding Thief. She’s just Mazikeen of the Fistbump.

“Yeah. Physically I’m fine, Lucifer fixed me right up, except for a couple bruises. And... in my head... I’m fine too, still a little in shock, I guess, but I just needed to get back to work, you know?”

Linda’s measured voice grounded her. “Yeah, I do. When trauma happens we tend to try to restore our sense of normalcy, to get back what came ‘before’. I have also found work to be helpful,” she said slowly. “An experience like that will take a while to process...” she trailed off.

“Linda?” Chloe asked hesitantly.

Linda’s eyes were wide but distant, fixed on something only she could see.

“Hey. Earth to Linda.”

The therapist shook herself slightly. “I’m sorry, what?”

“How about you? What happened?”

Linda was silent for several moments, then her eyes locked on Chloe’s, haunted. “Lucifer’s mother happened.”

Chloe gaped at her. “Lucifer has a _mom_? God’s a woman too?”

Linda nodded. “Yep. The Divine Goddess, as she preferred to be called.” Her lip curled, and a fierce expression darkened her face.

“But she wasn’t worthy of the title. She was a raging bitch and she deserved everything Maze did to her in Hell.”

\-----------------

Oh G-, oh shit, poor Linda. Chloe watched her friend in horror as she impassively related the details of her experience. Lucifer’s mom… _tortured_ her. To find out Lucifer’s plans for some flaming sword and cutting open the gates of Heaven ( _what_ the actual _fuck_? _)_ and sending her through. The Goddess had threatened her, held her down, scorched her with her ‘Light’, and finally tried to stab her to death. And would have succeeded, if Maze and Amenadiel hadn’t found her and got her to hospital in time; by literally _slowing_  it. Damn.

Chloe had so many questions but she could tell Linda was deeply shaken from telling her story and she didn’t want her to feel pressured to tell more than she was ready to. So she just stepped around the table and wordlessly put her arms around her friend. There wasn’t anything she could say to take the pain away, but as long as Linda knew she was there, that her tribe was behind her, hopefully that was enough for now.

The shorter woman stood stiffly for a moment, then leaned into her, trembling, her breath hitching slightly and her arms lifting to return the hug. They stayed that way silently for a while, until Linda finally gave Chloe a squeeze, then stepped back, her eyes brimming with tears but with a brave smile on her face.

“Thanks, Chloe. It helps to talk to someone who… understands.”

“Likewise.” Chloe grinned. She foresaw many girls’ nights at Chez Decker nutting out all this crazy God stuff. As patient as Lucifer was trying to be it wasn’t like he’d ever really get how bananas all this was for her. Or Linda.

Linda picked up her drink, had a couple of good slugs of it, then inhaled a deep cleansing breath. Now that that unpleasantness was out of the way, there was something she’d been dying (pun _not_ intended) to ask Chloe. She squeezed her friend’s arm and leaned in.

“Sooo… Lucifer flew in and rescued you?” At Chloe’s nod Linda heaved a wistful sigh.

“That is… SO amazing. You saw his wings, right?”

“Oh yeah.”

“And you’re okay.”

“Apparently…”

“Good to know. Now come on – tell me _everything_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the jukebox:  
> AC/DC - Back in Black  
> Faith No More - Easy


	3. Cunning Linguistics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party has some gatecrashers, and Chloe does some straight talking.

“Detectiiiiiive.”

Chloe looked over at her partner, who, after an hour of solid drinking, still looked his usual elegant self, though he had taken his jacket off. Overbalancing slightly he put his elbows on the table, laced his long fingers together, and regarded her with mock seriousness.

“Am I shitfaced yet?”

Linda snorted into her drink, spraying it all over herself and Chloe. Everyone burst into laughter and Maze cheered. “There’s the money shot!”

Chloe wiped her face and spluttered, “How shitfaced do you wanna get? I’d say you were about halfway there.” She herself was pleasantly buzzed, but her instincts were telling her not to go beyond that.

“Excellent! My goal tonight is to get completely pissed.”

“Pissed? This is supposed to be a party, isn’t it? What’s there to get pissed about?”

“No, not that kind of pissed, you American. Pissed as in trollied. Rat-arsed. _Drunk_!”

He gestured with his empty glass to elaborate. “To be so intossicated that you have to squint to see properly, have no sense of balance or death.. depth perception, and to have almost completely lost the ability to speak.”

“Ohhh, it’s a British thing.” Chloe realised what she’d said and did a double take.

“What IS it with the British thing, anyway? Your accent makes it sound like you’re from London. Have you ever even _been_ to England?”

“Of course I have, lots of times. One visit in the mid-1300s was memorable wasn’t it, Mazie - had a mad rush on downstairs with new arrivals and we popped up for a bit to see what the Hell was going on.”

At Chloe’s curious raised eyebrow he added by way of explanation, “The Black Death. But as for the accent, it could be that I was created this way, or perhaps I’m just a cunning linguist.” He smirked.

Chloe completely missed the innuendo as she was still processing _The Fucking Black Death_ , but Linda giggled and Maze laughed. Maze surreptitiously pushed another shot closer to Linda.

“Well,” Linda added with great dignity as she reached for it, swaying gently in her seat, “Well. If you’re a cunning linguist, I guess that makes me a thera-pissed.”

Everyone groaned and Lucifer raised his glass, laughing. “I’ll drink to that!”

 

Suddenly the smile fell from his face, his gaze hardening as it focused on something over Chloe’s shoulder. He growled belligerently, “What the _Hell_ are you doing here?”

Chloe turned to see Amenadiel standing behind her. So different from Lucifer, he was dressed casually in jeans, hoodie and jacket, but now she had to make a mental adjustment to reclassify him from ‘weirdo who scared the shit out of her with a prop gun and a blood pack’ to ‘overprotective brother who is actually an angel who can slow time and is also fairly clueless about dealing with humans’. Like Lucifer and Maze, she figured since he wasn’t a ‘local’, so to speak, he could do with a bit of slack.

Amenadiel looked confused by Lucifer’s question. “Linda invited me.”

Lucifer glared at Linda. Maze glared at Amenadiel. Linda merely smiled and sipped her drink.

Amenadiel inclined his head at Linda, smiling warmly, then turned to Chloe and said with heavy irony, “Chloe. I hear your eyes were… recently opened?”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. Amenadiel was smiling at the Detective in that smarmy, self-deprecating way of his and she moved over to make room for him at the table, the picture of politeness to his imbecile brother **.** Lucifer snorted loudly to ensure everyone at the table was aware of his disgust and reached for another shot only to find they were all gone. Typical.

“Demon!” he had to raise his voice over the racket of Maze’s latest song choice, _Get Free_ by The Vines. Maze looked up questioningly and Lucifer mimed bringing a glass to his lips. “... drink!”

Maze frowned. “Jeremy’s slacking off. Looks like I’ll have to crack the whip a bit. He’s lucky I didn’t bring mine.” Next to her Linda lifted her empty glass and cleared her throat meaningfully. Maze smiled sideways at her.

“Yep, got it. Refill for Doctor Linda Martini coming right up.”

Maze had never seen Linda drink like this before; it was almost like she was trying to keep up with her, impossible as that would be. She was always fun but usually more in control; Maze liked seeing this side of her. She seemed to be following Lucifer’s lead tonight and trying to get smashed as quickly as possible.

Maze hooked two fingers in her mouth and whistled sharply. Jeremy’s head popped out from behind the bar and she beckoned to him impatiently. Jeremy immediately brought out a tray bearing several glasses; bourbon for the Infernals, a martini for the good doctor and a Lagunitas for Chloe. While Maze reamed Jeremy for his tardiness and extolled him to ‘keep ‘em coming’, Amenadiel excused himself and headed to the bar.

Lucifer frowned in annoyance. _Trust my annoying fifth wheel of a brother to barge in where he isn’t wanted. Well, he can bloody well get his own girly drinks._

Amenadiel hadn’t particularly wanted to come. He was currently on good terms with only one person here and he strongly disapproved of his errant brother spilling his guts to yet another human, but part of his task was to keep an eye on him. How was he supposed to help Lucifer if he didn’t know what Lucifer was up to? He got himself a Cosmopolitan and rejoined Chloe at the adjoining table. He knew he needed to make a special effort with her; she was Lucifer’s partner and best friend, after all, not to mention one of Father’s miracles and most definitely part of His Plan.

Chloe eyed Amenadiel as he headed back from the bar, cocktail in hand. _He’s an angel too. And they are actual brothers. Not adopted._

How were angel babies made anyway? Did they come out of an egg? Did they just drop out of a cloud fully grown?

Sooo many questions. Where the Hell to start? Something uncomplicated, to ease her way in. She thought furiously for a moment... _got it._

“So - what colour are yours?”

“Excuse me?”

“Your wings. Lucifer told me angel wings are all different colours. So I’m just trying to picture yours.” She smiled hesitantly. _Damn but this stuff feels weird to say out loud._ Amenadiel didn’t smile back though. In fact, the look he gave her was rather pained.

“What’s wrong?” _Oh crap, was that a culturally insensitive question? Great, he’ll think I’m a racist..._

He shook his head. “I don’t have my wings any more.”

Chloe blanched. “Oh my G-  ...shit, you cut them off too? Why? Why would you guys do that to yourselves?”

“No, I didn’t sever them, they… went away.”

Chloe didn’t know quite what to make of that. They, what, turned into glitter and floated into the sky? Exploded in a cloud of feathers? Fell off?

“Away _…_?”

Amenadiel looked down and to the side, awkward, a crease appearing between his eyebrows; Chloe thought he looked like a perp about to bolt. He stood his ground, though, and gathered himself to meet her eyes again.

“Father took them. As a punishment. You see, I’ve... Fallen.” Amenadiel swallowed past the lump in his throat.

“You’re a fallen angel - like Lucifer? But…”

Amenadiel’s voice was hoarse. “No. Not like Lucifer. I’ve lost my wings… lost my powers… lost everything.”

Chloe reached out and touched Amenadiel’s arm. “I’m sorry. Your dad, I know He’s like, God, and all, but he sounds like a real jerk.”

“No, I deserve this. I have to atone for my sins.”

Chloe frowned up at him but didn’t push further. Amenadiel considered taking the silent out she offered but he knew Chloe deserved to know this, no matter how hard it would be to tell her. He took a steadying gulp of his drink and squared his shoulders. No more lying, or evading, or hiding from the truth.

“It’s a long story.”

\-----------------------

“ _Hola, familia!_ ” a familiar female voice bellowed over the noise in the bar. Everyone turned in astonishment at the mysterious appearance of one CSI tech Ella Lopez, who wasted no time going round the table to hug Lucifer, Linda and Maze.

Linda stared at her. “Whoahhh... kinda creeped out. Are you psychic?”

“Huh? No! You _loco_?” Ella looked dismayed and hurriedly shook her head. “No, course not! What, you think I like, hear voices, or something? Hahahaaa!” She laughed a little too loudly, then gave a nervous cough.

“Then how did you know we were here?”

“Location tags on Lucifer’s Instagram.”

Maze and Linda both directed death stares at Lucifer. He shrugged, clearly not giving a fuck. Ella went on, oblivious.

“I called Dan and invited him too. He needs to be with his peeps tonight. He’s having a hard time with Lieutenant Pierce plus Charlotte totally ghosted him today. She was at the precinct and she blew him off like he was nobody! I wanted _so_ bad to kick her ass. Maybe get her legs busted. But I psyched her out instead, which is even better. You should have seen her face!” She chuckled. “I think I really messed with her head.”

She realised everyone was staring at her, and gave herself a little shake.

“ _Anyways_ , I figured we’d crash your little party here. You guys could have been a little less cliquey, not inviting us - not cool! I thought we were buds! But I’ll probably forgive you if you get me a Pina Colada. I’m cool like that.”

Linda smiled beatifically. “To err is human, to forgive… _divine_.”

As she climbed down off her stool to head to the bar Lucifer retorted sharply after her, “There’ll be none of _that_ , thank you Doctor.”

Linda snorted with laughter at the indignant expression on Lucifer’s face - it really was super fun winding him up. Maze had told her about her ‘shit in your own nest’ comment and she’d been giggling about it all day.

Ella wanted to go over and hug Chloe (and check out Lucifer’s bro’s awe-inspiring guns while she was at it… _I MEAN_ _DAAAYYYUM_ …), but they were deep in a serious-looking conversation at another table so she turned to the others instead.

“Thank God it’s Friday, hey?”

Lucifer pulled a face. “Ugh don’t give Dad the credit, the weekend wasn’t His doing at all. It was the Babylonians and Romans who thought up the calendar.”

“True,” Ella replied, one imperious finger in the air, “But we wouldn’t have the weekend _off_ if it wasn’t for the Jewish and Christian Sabbaths. Yay Church!” She smiled smugly.

“Hmph. It would’ve happened eventually.” Lucifer muttered. “Besides, Dad didn’t demand the Sabbath to give his faithful sheep a break, it was so they would have an entire day set aside for kissing his arse.”

Ella unsuccessfully stifled a giggle. Jeez, he never let up, did he? He could riff on anything, and while she’d found out Dan sometimes did improv after hours Lucifer was _always_ on. She was just trying to think up a good rebuttal when they all suddenly heard an angry exclamation from Chloe at the table behind them.

“You _WHAT_?!”

Everyone’s heads swivelled. Chloe was standing next to Amenadiel, a black look on her face. Amenadiel looked like he wanted to disappear into the floor. Ella’s smile died on her lips, but Lucifer’s expression by contrast was one of extreme satisfaction.

Chloe suddenly noticed everyone looking at them and huffed a dismissive laugh as if to say _What? Nothing to see here._ She leaned in closer to Amenadiel and Ella couldn’t make out anything more.

“Whoah. That looked intense.” _What was that all about?_ she wondered. She turned away to resume her fun argument with Lucifer; she could always find out later. She was good at ferreting things out of people.

Meanwhile Chloe was whispering urgently into Amenadiel’s ear.

“Damn it, Amenadiel! Do you have any idea how many people that psychopath killed? _”_ Chloe hissed furiously. _“_ Two kids in a wannabe Satanic cult, a preacher, Graham’s own partner, and he came within seconds of killing me, and _Trixie_ …” Chloe stopped, instincts warring with disbelief as yet another jigsaw piece slid into place.

“And... Graham killed Lucifer too, didn’t he?” She looked over at Lucifer, currently enjoying a boozily affectionate hug of Linda’s head, while Ella recorded it on her phone and laughed uproariously. She’d seen him get shot, he’d told her he’d died, she’d _seen_ all that blood, and yet again she hadn’t believed him.

Amenadiel’s quiet voice was heavy with guilt.

“He did. Yes, I am very much aware of the devastation my actions have caused. At the time I believed, like many humans do, that the end justifies the means. I was wrong. I wanted so badly to get Lucifer back to Hell that I lost sight of how far I had strayed in trying to do it.” He looked earnestly at her.

“Since coming here I’ve made many mistakes, but I’m learning. I’m trying to be better. I believe it’s my task now to help Lucifer. To have his back, as you humans say.”

Chloe only half heard. She couldn’t stop thinking _Lucifer literally died for us_. Died. Dead. And then ‘got better’.

Why did he do that? How had he even died? He was an invincible angelic being for Chrissakes! Wasn’t he? He’d told her he was immortal often enough. But she’d seen him get burned, whacked on the head with a fire poker, nearly strangled... she’d even shot him herself! She’d never forget the shock on his face or her own appalled disbelief at what she’d done. But how had shooting him even worked if angels are supposed to be immortal?

She leaned toward Amenadiel. “Can you die? Meaning angels in general as well as you personally.”

Amenadiel seemed surprised at the sudden change of subject, but nodded.

“Of course. Human weapons can’t harm us but Hell-forged and celestial weapons certainly can. We can die.” Then he smiled self-deprecatingly.

“But death is hardly a problem for angels. It’s basically ‘SSDD’ - Same Shit Different Dimension’.”

Chloe smiled. Lucifer’s brother could be charming too when he wanted to be.

Then she prodded, “And what about you?”

Amenadiel paused. “Do you know, I actually don’t know. It was obvious when I lost my powers and my wings, but I haven’t checked whether I’m still invulnerable or not. I guess I just assumed I was, although I am susceptible to this - ” he raised his glass, meaning the alcohol, “ - now. I probably shouldn’t assume anything.”

“How can you check?”

“Do you have something sharp?”

Chloe went to tap Maze on the shoulder, but Amenadiel stopped her.

“No, it can’t be a demon blade. They’re Hell-forged, remember? It needs to be a human weapon.” He added hastily, “We don’t need to go overboard here; even a pin would suffice.”

Chloe pondered for a moment. Her badge. She took it from her purse and handed it to Amenadiel. He carefully pressed the pin on the reverse side into the delicate skin of his forearm, and he winced. Together they watched as a drop of blood welled up.

“I guess that answers that.” Amenadiel blew out a breath then took a long swallow of his drink.

 _So Lucifer’s vulnerable because he’s fallen?_ Chloe reasoned. _But that doesn’t make sense - he still has his wings, his strength, his desire superpower thing. Plus he didn’t die when Jimmy shot him, or when Delilah was mowed down right next to him…_

He did say celestial beings change when they live on Earth… maybe it happened gradually?

She was about to ask Amenadiel about it when there was another commotion - Dan chose that moment to arrive. The second Lucifer spotted him he made a beeline for him with a huge grin on his face.

“Daniel, Daniel, Daniel! How lovely to see you, my growing compatriot…” and to Dan’s surprise, Lucifer grabbed him in a rib-cracking hug. He patted Lucifer awkwardly on the back then attempted to back away, but with Lucifer’s long arms still wrapped around him he was only able to separate himself from the waist down. Maze, winking at Linda, then firmly squeezed Dan’s ass and he started violently, much to their amusement.

“Lucifer, hey man, you know I’m not into guys right…” stammered Dan, and Lucifer promptly released him. Sharp-eyed Chloe saw him slip something into his pocket - did he just steal Dan’s cellphone? _What’s he up to now_ , she wondered in amusement.

“Never fear, Daniel,” Lucifer announced amiably. “Your boringly vanilla, heteronormative worldview won’t be shattered this evening… not by me at any rate.”  He threw a friendly arm around Dan’s shoulders.

“I am not even the _slightest_ bit interested. And for your information, I already didn’t want to sleep with you even _before_ you had sex with my muh-” Lucifer abruptly stopped, gagging slightly.

 _That was most definitely closer than the oysters,_ he thought _. Eurrggh. We have a new winner. Not good, not good_. He shuddered, grabbed a drink in each hand and took a gulp of one.

“I need more booze!” he said loudly. Dan agreed with him and after nodding to everyone and introducing himself to Linda, headed to the bar. Lucifer tagged along, no doubt to give him more shit.

Chloe smiled at the two of them. She had to admit that after the months and months of lies and betrayal that her ex had put her through she still felt a certain amount of guilty pleasure every time Lucifer busted Dan’s balls. Lucifer just did it so damn _well_! However she really didn’t want to hold a grudge, especially when Dan was trying so hard to redeem himself and had been making such a huge effort lately. That reminded her of something.

“Why is Lucifer pissed at you?” she asked Amenadiel.

“He’s annoyed I pointed out the obvious to him. That he’s changing from the Devil he once was. That he cares about you… er, I mean humans. And he doesn’t like that Father wants me to help him; he distrusts anything that comes from Him.” Amenadiel suddenly couldn’t meet her eyes. “Not that I can blame him with... their history, and everything.” He cleared his throat.

“Anyway, when I told him my intentions he suddenly turned on me - he was very insulting and tried his hardest to push me away. He probably thinks I’m only helping him so I’ll get my powers back.”

“Are you?” Chloe asked bluntly. She knew Lucifer never lied but his brother did, quite easily from her own experience and what he’d already confessed to her. Amenadiel inclined his head in acknowledgement of a fair point.

“No. He’s been shunned by our entire family for millennia but has proved he is evolving, here on Earth. I want him to know I’m on his side now, and I’m here for him. He is deserving of at least that.” He huffed an exasperated laugh. “Even though the prideful, selfish idiot sometimes makes me want to beat the snot out of him.”

Chloe’s lips pursed at the slight to her partner. “I’ll admit Lucifer can be a pain in the ass at times, but it’s not like he ever does it vindictively. He’s just a bit clueless about how people are supposed to interact, which I recently realized is partly because he’s not human, sure, but probably because he’s basically been in prison for most of his life.”

Amenadiel shook his head stubbornly. “No. Take his revealing to you the truth about himself, and therefore us, for example. He told you without our knowledge or consent, just as he did with Linda. He knows how I feel about him carelessly revealing our true nature to humans and yet he did it anyway. He did it to hurt me!”

Chloe felt her hackles rising again. The defining characteristic of angels thus far was the seemingly limitless ability to piss her off.

“ _No_ , he did it because he wanted me to know what I was getting into, and to give me the option of walking away. I think he fully expected me to, but he told me anyway. He did what he thought was best for me even though it could’ve worked out badly for him. That’s the opposite of selfish. And it’s something only a true friend would do.”

That brought Amenadiel up short. “Oh.”

 _Yeah, OH,_ Chloe thought, incensed on Lucifer’s behalf. She didn’t have any siblings but she was pretty sure that if she did she’d be supportive of them instead of trying to tear them down to their friends. And this guy’s the _favourite_ son? She found herself agreeing with Lucifer’s assessment; Amenadiel needed a good punch up the bracket.

“Here’s a thought,” she said heatedly, "If you want to have Lucifer’s back and be a good brother, maybe you could start by not automatically assuming the worst about him like everybody else does.”

Amenadiel looked at her for several long seconds with an expression akin to wonder on his face.

“You’re absolutely right,” he finally said, then shook his head in self  reproach. He looked over at Lucifer, then back to her and nodded politely.

“Please excuse me.”

\-----------------------

Chloe headed to the bathroom to get herself together after the multiple grenades of information and emotions that had exploded around her so far this evening, and by the time she emerged Lucifer was three sheets to the wind. He had his arms companionably around Linda and Amenadiel’s shoulders and they were all laughing. His brother must have apologized, and either he did it really, really well or Satan was just a really, really happy drunk.

Chloe smiled. _Awww, who’d have thunk it?_ She made a quick stop at the bar then headed back over to their tables.

“I was gone, what, ten minutes? How many have you had already, Lucifer?”

Lucifer chuckled like this was the funniest thing he’d ever heard and sipped another bourbon. “If I’m going to do this, Detective, I refuse to do a half-arsed job of it.” He snorted with more laughter. “I’m gonna go _full arse_!”

“Well slow down! If booze affects you more now you can’t afford to suck it down like it’s soda.” She gently prised the bourbon from his hand and put the large glass she’d got at the bar down in front of him.

“Here. Drink this next.”

Lucifer grinned. “I’m not usually one for gin or vodka, but it’d be rude to refuse, wouldn’t it…” Lucifer took a sip, then made a face and plonked it unceremoniously back on the table.

“What? _Water?_ I came out to get hammered, not hydrated!” He pushed it away. “ _No_ thank you…”

Chloe pushed it back to him. “ _Yes,_ Lucifer. If you’re going to drink with me, you’re going to learn to do it responsibly. Drinking like us mere mortals has consequences and I’d rather avoid having to scrape you off the floor in an hour’s time because you’ve passed out or have to take you to the E.R. to get your stomach pumped. I had enough of that crap back in drama school, thanks very much.”

Amenadiel nodded sagely. “Listen to her, Luci. You haven’t experienced the living Hell of a hangover yet either.” He grimaced. “A truly foul punishment.”

Lucifer pouted but acquiesced, and drank off half of it amid much complaining and muttering about where was Joshua when he needed him.

He’d gradually inched his way around the table towards Chloe and was currently hunched over it with his elbows on top, his shoulder and hip intermittently bumping hers. Chloe’s traitorous heart beat faster at the contact but Lucifer didn’t even seem to be aware he was doing it. He was usually much less touchy-feely; it must just be the booze. She cleared her throat.

“So, how are you feeling, Lucifer?”

He sighed happily and a huge relaxed smile broke across his face. She noticed his fingers start to tap out the rhythm of the song that was playing, something about a ‘young drunk’.

“Fan-bloody-tastic, thank you Detective. I’m feeling _mush_ better. Can’t even feel ‘em any more.”

Chloe wondered which body part he meant - he couldn’t feel his lips? His legs? He seriously had never been this drunk before? And yet, she realised sourly, he still managed to look like a goddamn Vogue model; stylish suit, artfully tousled hair, broad shoulders and all, whereas when she was hammered she invariably looked like… well, hammered crap. She sighed. How dare he. Superhumanly gorgeous bastard.

“Yeah, well, don’t overdo it. We don’t want you puking everywhere and wrecking yet another fancy suit. Or your precious shoes. Or mine.”

“I’ve never puked in my life! Which as you know is a _very_ long time. As I told Wiley I think I might’ve been closest when I tried raw oysters, but there wasn’t even any retching involved. Although that was before I pictured Daniel and …” he shuddered. “Gah! Almost did it again.” He tossed back the rest of his drink, realised again that it was still only water, and his face crumpled into such a picture of disappointment that Chloe had to hide a grin.

She asked, “Who’s Wiley? Someone else who got a favour?”

“No, he did me one ashully. I met him on my first day in the desert and he was surprisingly helpful.”

 _Ah, some more details finally!_ Chloe frowned. “But you told me you had to walk out. If he drove off and left you in the desert I’d argue that wasn’t helpful at all. Criminal is more like it.”

Lucifer replied airily, “Oh he didn’t have a car. He was a coyote.”

“What? A coyote.” Chloe narrowed her eyes at Lucifer. He didn’t lie, but he didn’t seem to be yanking her chain either. He was serious.

“How could a coyote have helped you?”

Lucifer reached over and selected a shot from the fresh tray that Jeremy had just delivered. He sipped delicately, noting with interest it had a bit of green in it.

“He offered me a light snack and gave me directions.” _And even some unsolicited dating advice but the Detective doesn’t need to know that,_ he thought to himself.

Chloe huffed a disbelieving laugh. “What, a wild coyote led you to safety like Rin Tin Tin or something?”

“No, he told me ‘bout this handy little tourist hut where I found some water and maps and things...”

“A _coyote._ _Told_ you.” She said ‘coyote’ with the same incredulous tone with which she might’ve said ‘woodland fairy’, or ‘intergalactic space president from Mars’.

“Dint I just say that?”

“But… he was a coyote!”

“Your point?”

Were all conversations with Lucifer going to be even more baffling than usual from now on?

“Coyotes can’t talk!”

“‘Course they can. Not in English, obviously, or even with words...” At Chloe’s gobsmacked look, he elaborated, “I _am_ the Devil, remember? I speak _all_ languages, living 'n dead. Dad gave me the Gift of Tongues when he chucked me out - a consolation prize of sorts - ‘cause I could hardly have run Hell if none of me demons or damned souls knew what the hell I was saying, now could I?”

Chloe stared at him for a solid ten seconds, then blinked and shook her head. Then nodded as well, smiling weakly.

“Nope. I guess not. Yep. Makes perfect sense.” _Maybe I should start calling him Devil Doolittle..._ Chloe gripped the edge of the table so that the suddenly rolling planet wouldn’t tip her off. _Freakout #7 imminent… distraction… distraction..._

“So… uh… does this mean animals can go to Hell too?”

Lucifer tipped his hand in a see-saw motion. “Meh. For the most part, no. Animals possess some of the purest souls on Earth. There are exceptions, of course. Some species of spiders, for example. And pigs. Some rodents, and any other creature that kills and even eats its own helpless young. They always came in useful for torturing the odd phobic - for most animal phobias we hadda get a bit creative because we couldn’t get the real thing down there.” He nudged her and snickered.

“You’ll… _heheheh…_ you’ll never guess what we did to this serial killer fellow who had a deathly fear of gerbils...”

Chloe wasn’t really listening. “So... you’re saying all dogs really _do_ go to Heaven?”

“Well, they’re Father’s creations too, aren’t they? For supposedly ‘dumb’ creatures they’re incapable of deception, give freely of love and loyalty, and don’t have a malicious bone in their bodies. They don’t have to work as hard as you flighty humans do but they’ve all got a shot at it, same as the rest of your mortal souls.”

“Good.” Chloe nodded in approval. She had to admit, a heaven without at least some cats and dogs and other fluffy creatures in it wouldn’t be her idea of a ‘proper’ Heaven anyway. And she knew Trixie would agree. Her daughter had once been told by a religious salesman type that ponies didn’t have souls and thus couldn’t go to Heaven. Chloe smiled, remembering how Trixie’d had plenty to say about _that_.

Chloe let her gaze wander the bar as Lucifer dug out his cigarette case and lighter. She heard him murmur a polite _you’re lovely but not tonight thank you darling_ to a svelte brunette who’d sidled up next to him and whispered in his ear. That had happened quite a few times, Chloe had noticed, and Lucifer had turned several women - and men - down already. No wonder he had such an extensive list of lovers; people were drawn to him like moths to a flame, and he had the inclination and the… uh… ‘tremendous stamina’… to indulge them. She shook her head as she realised something else about her partner; desire was literally his superpower. And he’d been locked away for thousands of years, so naturally upon his release he was all about having fun and making up for lost time, as horny and hedonistic as a sailor on shore leave. But he really was making tonight about his friends, which was sweet.

Everyone was having a great time, splintering into smaller groups to chat and the music was actually pretty good, thanks to Maze and Lucifer’s choices. That reminded her, she wanted to add a few more songs to their playlist herself. She headed over and had a quick look for Right Said Fred – it’d be worth it just to see the look on Lucifer’s face - but unsurprisingly it wasn’t there. She spotted another song and laughingly selected it, wondering if Lucifer and Amenadiel would get the joke. As soon as she’d punched it in though, she got DJ’s remorse – what if it triggered them? What if they were completely offended and never wanted to speak to her again?

She’d just decided to deny everything when Maze materialised beside her and picked out some Steve Earle and The Divinyls.

Chloe grabbed her arm. “Maze, I think I did something horrible.”

Maze’s eyes narrowed. “What, you hid quinoa in the pancakes again? Dammit, Chloe...”

“No! I chose a song as a joke and I’m worried Lucifer will get pissed off by it.”

“Is it by Dave Matthews Band? In which case _I’ll_ be pissed off as well.”

“No. _Run to Paradise_ by The Choirboys.”

Maze grinned in approval. “Nice.” At Chloe’s stricken look she added, “No, it’s fine; Lucifer plays that kind of stuff all the time at Lux. He thinks it’s hilarious when people think he’s just _pretending_ to be meta.”

Chloe heaved a sigh of relief, thanked her, and moved back to the table. She didn’t notice Maze turn thoughtfully back to the jukebox, a devious gleam in her eye.

She _did_ however notice Ella flirting with Amenadiel. _Big_ time. She’d been Dan’s figurative shoulder to cry on for a while but soon gravitated to Lucifer’s big brother, chattering nonstop. She was currently brushing up against his well-muscled arms and smiling a lot… at one point she even wrapped her hands around his bulging biceps and thoughtfully palpated them like she was testing melons at the supermarket.

Chloe giggled; it just seemed so … appropriate, yet also completely _in_ appropriate, that a woman of such strong faith would be hot for angel.

She decided to head over and rescue him, but before she could, Lucifer butted in. He looked rather exasperated and his voice was loud enough to carry across half the bar.

“Miss Lopez, jus’ _what_ do you see in Him anyway?”

Ella started guiltily, her eyes snapping up to Lucifer’s. “What? Nothing! I wasn’t checking out his ass, I swear!”

Amenadiel’s face split into a brilliant grin while Ella blushed furiously and became suddenly consumed with interest in the umbrella in her drink. Lucifer frowned, mystified, then saw Amenadiel’s smug expression.

“What? No, not Amenadiel, ugh. You can do mush better.” The smug smile disappeared. “I meant _Dad_.”

Chloe and Linda exchanged glances.

Ella stared at Lucifer incredulously for several beats, then burst out laughing.

“Man you’re so _good_! You can even keep it up when you’re smashed!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the jukebox:  
> The Vines - Get Free  
> Smith Street Band - Young Drunk  
> The Choirboys - Run to Paradise  
> The Divinyls - Pleasure and Pain  
> Steve Earle - Copperhead Road
> 
> \- Ella using Instagram to locate the gang and then videoing their shenanigans on her phone is a nod to the awesome behind-the-scenes queen Aimee Garcia, whose Instastories give me life, especially during the long breaks between episodes!


	4. Jukebox Smackdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A demon dances, a detective detects, and the Devil just can't help himself.

The evening was progressing very nicely.

Booze was plentiful, the conversation entertaining (if a little restrained due to the presence of Dan and Ella, at least on Chloe and Linda’s part), and the music inspired. Chloe had inadvertently started something with her Choirboys song; Lucifer had approved, laughing in delight when he found out it was Chloe’s choice and with Maze's follow ups it kickstarted something of a jukebox smackdown with everyone trying to outdo each other.

Maze found two more songs to dedicate to Lucifer; the Stones’ _Sympathy for the Devil_ , immediately followed by _Asshole_ by Denis Leary. Then she announced the next one was for Linda; _Devil Inside_ by INXS, with a lecherous wink to Linda which made both her and Chloe's faces turn bright red.

Lucifer promptly volleyed back with _Demons_ by Imagine Dragons then Rick James' _Super Freak,_ which Maze loved, until Lucifer grabbed her and started dancing her around to it. 

"Demons don't dance, damn it!" Maze bellowed, struggling futilely against Lucifer's powerful grip.

Lucifer yelled back, "Yes you do, just pretend you're standing on the corpses of your enemies! I feel like an octopus...  think my arms have multiplied. You can't escape me, Mazie!" and Linda laughed so hard she got dizzy and had to put her head on the table.

Amenadiel joined in too, and cued up a song for Linda - The Black Crowes’ _She Talks To Angels._  She loved it and Maze saw something pass between her best friend and her ex... she didn’t like it _at all._  She chose an 80s classic in retaliation; when the chorus started she sang loudly and obnoxiously along with it while looking pointedly at him.

_Win big - mama's fallen angel_

_Lose big - living out her lies_

_Wants it all - Mama's fallen angel_

_Lose it all, rolling the dice of her life_

Amenadiel glared daggers at her and Maze chortled with unholy glee.

“Too soon?”

 

Lucifer’s choice for Chloe was bittersweet, and funnily enough it could’ve been her song for him, too.

 

_My happiness is slowly creeping back_

_Now you're at home_

_If it ever starts sinking in_

_It must be when you pack up and go_

 

_It seems an age since I've seen you_

_Countdown as the weeks trickle into days_

_I hope that time hasn't changed you_

_All I really want is for you to stay_

 

She wondered why he chose it. Was he still expecting her to leave him? Was he still worried that their… whatever they had... was going to change now she’d found out the truth about him? He had to have some pretty frickin severe abandonment issues, judging by what had happened with his family.  _And what I did to him too_ , she thought sadly. But she’d remedied that and he seemed - yeah, happy. Choosing this song was probably just as simple as that. It wasn’t like Lucifer to ponder too deeply on things involving feelings anyway so she was no doubt just reading too much into it.

She did hope that now that she’d accepted the truth about Lucifer he wouldn’t feel the need to run away from her any more. Surely there was nothing he couldn’t tell her now.

He certainly seemed at ease with her, and with the addition of alcohol he was being … dare she say it… openly affectionate towards her. She grinned, marvelling at how a guy who was so completely uninhibited in almost everything else could still be so reserved when it came to platonic human feelings.

_Oh yeah that’s right - not human._

But tonight he was doing alright. Most non-sexual physical contact seemed to alarm him more than anything, but after a few drinks he was acting more like a big friendly labrador. Bumping up against her, brushing her arm, playing with her long ponytail, letting his knee touch hers under the table… it was like he wanted reassurance that she was still there, which was really endearing.

He was apparently still not completely at ease with this kind of closeness however because on several occasions she noticed him suddenly look down, realise what he was doing then frown and pull his hand away, or hurriedly sip his drink and move around the table. But he kept coming back to her, like a satellite pulled into her orbit.

They inevitably talked shop for a while, and naturally the first choice of topic was the new Lieutenant. Ella was fangirling over him like mad but neither Lucifer nor Chloe were impressed - Chloe was concerned he doubted her professionalism and Lucifer thought he was a prat. Chloe made a snarky remark about Pierce's dickishness which Lucifer apparently approved of because he chuckled and booped her on the nose. She blinked in surprise, then laughingly reached up and flicked his ear. Lucifer grinned and leaned closer, then suddenly frowned, coughed uncomfortably, and promptly took himself away to the jukebox. Chloe giggled and shook her head. Look at the so-called Prince of Darkness over there, getting all flustered over a little nose boop. It was totally adorable.

Lucifer fled the table as quickly as he could. What the Hell did he think he was doing? He couldn’t keep flirting with the Detective, he’d cock everything up. He couldn’t ruin all the good he’d done by running off to Vegas and marrying Candy. Good meaning… necessary.

He saw that Dan was at the jukebox already - and grinned in relief; saved from further musings by the Douche! He threw an arm around Dan’s shoulders and jiggled him a bit.

“Great news, Daniel! You can’t sleep with me mum anymore.”

Dan winced. Hadn’t Lucifer said he never wanted to speak about that again? Which he was 100% fine with.

“I kinda figured that out on my own, Lucifer. She doesn’t seem to wanna have anything to do with me.”

Lucifer laughed amiably, slapped Dan on the back, and Dan was propelled with force into the Wurlitzer. As his chest hit the glass casing he half wondered if his spine was cracked. How the Hell was Lucifer so damn _strong_?

As well as oblivious to the fact he'd nearly cracked Dan's rib. “No, feel free to shag _Charlotte_ all you want now that Mum’s gone!”

Dan squinted at him, absently rubbing his bruised sternum. Was he even speaking English? “You’re making even less sense than you usually do, man. How many have you had?”

Lucifer replied airily, “Oh, I lost count. Is this how booze affects you normally? I felt like this at the loony bin once... I can’t seem to feel me face and the knees feel a bit wibbly.” He lost his balance slightly but put a hand on the jukebox to right himself.

“But anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah - best of luck with Charlotte. And FYI, her current behaviour has nothing to do with you. ‘Kay?” He smiled encouragingly.

Dan raised an eyebrow. “Whatever. Thanks anyway Lucifer, but it was kinda you that got me into the whole Charlotte mess in the first place, so I can do without the pep talk.” He regretted it as soon as he said it. Lucifer was drunk and it was a cheap shot.

Lucifer threw back his head and growled exasperatedly at the ceiling. Then he rounded on Dan with such a black scowl on his face Dan unconsciously took half a step back.

“Really, _Douche_ ? That’s a new one, even for me, copping the blame for me own mum's… _liaisons_ .” His mouth twisted into a moue of distaste at even that relatively bland word, and he levelled a disapproving if unsteady glare at Dan. “You got _y'self_ into that, my lad.”

Dan had the grace to look abashed. “Yeah… I know. Sorry man. I just… it’s been a shitty day.”

Lucifer brightened. “Grovelling apology accepted. Have another drink, bourbon works wonders on shitty days. I should know, I've had enough of 'em.” He emphasized his point by taking a drink of his.

Dan cleared his throat. He really didn’t want to say this.

“So… I guess… if you can be okay with me and Charlotte, not that I can see that going anywhere, I can be okay with you and Chloe.” When Lucifer turned to him in surprise, he added warningly, “Long as you treat her right. No more running off to Vegas and being a tool. She deserves better.”

Lucifer peered down his nose at him. “I am _quite_ aware of what the Detective deserves, Daniel, and I _fully_ intend to continue being the best partner she is ever going to have.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

When Lucifer glanced warily at him he went on, “I’ve seen the way you look at her.” _The way I wish she still looked at me_ , Dan thought to himself. “And the way she looks at you.”

Lucifer frowned, opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, started to deny it then stopped, then finally said with stiff formality, “I always knew you were a complete wazzock.”

Dan smiled knowingly. “Whatever you say, man.”

It was Lucifer’s turn to back up a step. How on Earth had the Douche of all people figured it out? Perhaps he wasn’t as completely rubbish a detective as he thought.

 _Well, no matter he knows_ , Lucifer thought. _It’s not like I’m going to let anything happen._ His gaze flickered to Chloe, chatting and laughing with the other ladies, and felt a surge of something powerful well up in his chest, equal parts pleasant and painful. He set his jaw and pushed it down, admonishing himself; they were just friends. It was the only way. As hard as it was keeping his feelings buried, he would much rather be a pining lovesick fool with her than a miserable lovesick fool without her. And getting together with Chloe when he knew she had no choice in the matter was not an option.

 _Congratulations, Dad_ , Lucifer thought rancorously. _You’ve engineered an even worse punishment for me than Hell_.

He suddenly realised what song was currently playing and looked up in disgust. _Don’t Stop Believin’_? “Ugh. Several billion years late for that, I’m afraid...”

Lucifer slammed his hand down on top of the jukebox and the music abruptly cut out, much to Dan’s annoyance.

“Hey, man, what did you do? That was my - ”

“NO we're _not_ having that, Daniel… you can save that Journey dreck for the Douchemobile. Now, what have we here… yes, much better!”

Lucifer stepped back from the Wurlitzer as The Commitments’ cover of _Mustang Sally_ started blaring from the speakers. Lucifer snatched Dan’s beer bottle off the top of the jukebox and started singing lustily into it.

_Mustang Sally_

_Guess you better slow that Mustang down_

_Mustang Sally, now baby_

_Guess you better slow that Mustang down_

_You've been running all over town_

_Ooh, I guess you gotta put your flat feet on the ground_

Everyone except his brother and his former second-in-command stopped and listened in surprise, and several people around the bar whooped in appreciation.

“Whoah,” Ella said admiringly. “Lucifer’s got pipes!”

Chloe nodded mutely. She’d heard Lucifer sing before; a lounge tune at a fundraiser and a cheesy Bangles song that he’d sung to prove how much he valued their partnership, but this was the first time she’d witnessed Lucifer the Rock Star in action.

His voice soaring one moment, husky and sexy the next, he sang with a passion and charisma that was enthralling. That confident way he moved and how he held himself; it probably didn’t make a difference whether he was up on stage in Lux or on the floor of a somewhat seedy bar on Hollywood Boulevard, he put his all into his music.

And his dark eyes… were fixed on her. She realised with a jolt that he was singing to her. He chuckled mischievously at her rapidly blushing cheeks, sauntered over and leaned right in close.

_I bought you a brand new Mustang_

_It was a nineteen sixty-five_

He seemed to catch himself again, grinning and backing away to grab his brother in a playful headlock and belting out the rest of the verse.

_Now you comin' around to signify a woman_

_Girl, you won't, you won't let me ride!_

_Mustang Sally, now baby..._

For his part, Lucifer was becoming increasingly confused about how the evening was going. For some unfathomable reason he seemed completely incapable of keeping his hands off the Detective.

_All you wanna do is ride around Sally [Ride, Sally, ride]_

It was like his digits had a mind of their own, which was a problem. He’d been trying to keep his distance, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. And now he found himself singing to her.

_All you wanna do is ride around Sally [Ride, Sally, ride]_

_One of these early mornings_

_I'm gonna be wiping those weepin' eyes, yeah_

The last thing he wanted to do was give her the wrong idea, lead her on and hurt her again. But it was proving next to impossible when every fibre of his being yearned to be close to her. _Damn you to Hell, Dad!_

Ella delightedly recorded Lucifer’s impromptu karaoke session on her cellphone _._

 _Oh he’s got it bad,_ she thought. Chloe had a huge smile on her face too, though she’d been slightly bashful about being the centre of attention. Just what is their deal anyway? Ella clicked her tongue. Lucifer’s walking around with little hearts in his eyes and Chloe’s clearly got the hots for him too; why don’t they just do it already?

Ella sidled up next to Chloe as Lucifer wound up for his big finish, watching how his dark gaze kept returning to his partner. ‘Subtle’ Mr. Morningstar was not.

_Those weepin' eyes, yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_Those weepin' eyes_

_Those weepin' eyes_

“He’s so into you.”

Chloe turned to Ella, startled. “What?”

“Lucifer. He can’t keep his eyes off you. And I saw him bumping up against you earlier, all handsy and trying not to be…” Ella smiled knowingly and nudged Chloe with her shoulder.

“I swear he had to practically sit on his hands to stop himself. You dig him, he’s obviously crazy about you, and we all know he’s not the kind of guy who’s big on holding back, so what gives? Is he still in the doghouse over the Vegas wife thing?”

“No, no - we’re not like that. We’re just friends. Friends and partners. This is just… Lucifer being Lucifer. You know how he is.”

Ella hummed noncommittally, watching Lucifer, then turned and skewered Chloe with a gaze loaded with skepticism. “He’s a panty dropper, sure, but this? ...This ain’t that.” When Chloe looked about to object, she put her hands up in mock surrender.

“But hey - you know him better than I do, right?”

Chloe watched Lucifer finish the song to rousing applause and cheers from the entire bar, grinning and doing a jaunty little bow. He was relaxed and smiling, slightly rumpled, having a great time. He unthinkingly took a swig of the beer in his hand, then pulled a face and quickly handed it back to Dan; Chloe couldn’t help giggling. He noticed her smiling at him and grinned back, his dark brows doing a cheeky quick up-down. He’d rolled his sleeves up to reveal his lean forearms… and his broad shoulders and well-muscled chest looked amazing in his sharply tailored vest. And... this was probably sacrilegious but he really did have the most incredible ass, especially in those slim cut dress pants. The butterflies in her stomach started up again.

 _We’re not like that, not any more, not that we ever really were. He’s just a friend,_ she told herself, then groaned inwardly.

Who was she trying to kid. She was in so much trouble.

She mentally shook herself; it didn’t matter, anyway.

 _He said he didn’t want you that way._ Except… the evidence of her own eyes said different, and she’d promised herself to stop ignoring that where Lucifer was concerned. And… come to think of it, when had he _said_ he didn’t want her? The actual words. She tried to remember that day at the precinct when he’d turned up with Candy. She’d been too pissed off to really question _why_ he’d suddenly done a u-turn, and all he’d done was agree with her when she’d said she thought they were friends.

But she knew Ella was right, Lucifer ‘like’ liked her too. Even a guy with both eyes poked out could see that. Which naturally begged the question; why was he pretending he didn’t?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Lucifer singing 'Mustang Sally' is from the infamous cast and crew karaoke night after the Season 1 pilot when the Lucifer writers discovered Tom Ellis could actually sing, and henceforth wrote Lucifer singing into the show. And we are all so very happy they did :)  
> \- Lucifer being all affectionate when drunk is totally me. :'D  
> \- On the jukebox:  
> The Rolling Stones - Sympathy for the Devil  
> Denis Leary - Asshole  
> INXS - Devil Inside  
> Imagine Dragons - Demons  
> Rick James - Superfreak  
> The Black Crowes - She Talks to Angels  
> Poison - Fallen Angel  
> Powderfinger - My Happiness  
> Journey - Don’t Stop Believin’  
> The Commitments - Mustang Sally


	5. What in the Ass...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three hours in and things take an unexpected turn...

_Three hours in:_

“The room’s not spinning, is it?” Linda mumbled. She was listing rather heavily to starboard and Maze was having to prop her up to prevent her falling off her barstool.

“No.” Maze and Chloe shook their heads. Lucifer on the other hand gazed thoughtfully up at the dingy low ceiling for a few moments, then huffed a delighted laugh.

“It _is_ , ashully! Just a little... a little light rotation… Whaddaya know! I quite like it. It feels… a bit… sort of weightless. Izzis what an out of body experience feels like, I wonder?” He sighed, propped his chin in his right hand, and closed his eyes, a tiny happy comma at the corner of his mouth.

Dan and Ella were talking to Amenadiel at the other table - Ella and Amenadiel were bonding over the challenges of having younger brothers who liked getting into trouble - so Chloe decided to take advantage of their absence to ask some more tricky questions.

“Hey, Lucifer?”

“Yes, Detective?” He swivelled slightly to look at her, raising his eyebrows and blinking owlishly.

“You know how you tell me you never lie to me…”

“Yes. _In-cessantly_.” His tone was light, playful.

“How is that possible? I mean, even knowing that you really are the Devil there’s still a couple things that don’t add up.”

“Such as?”

“That Charlotte Richards is your stepmom, for starters. First you said she was, then when I asked you the other night you said she wasn’t.”

Lucifer waved a dismissive hand. ”Thass easy. She _was_ me mum, but she’s not me mum any more.”

“What.” Chloe’s expression morphed into her patented Lucifer Headache Face. “Your actual _mom_? But your mom’s a goddess! And Charlotte’s from Malibu! And only a few years older than me!”

“Yeah, thass _Charlotte_ . _Mum_ of course predates the universe. But you know what they say - you’re only as old as the guy you feel…” Maze snorted and he chuckled, but then immediately gave an almighty shudder when he belatedly remembered who he was talking about.

“Lucifer...” Chloe’s voice held a note of exasperation in it.

“Yesss… awright… like I told you the other night it’s a bit commicated.” Chloe took a moment from her mounting frustration to appreciate the adorable way Lucifer’s impeccable diction was becoming more… peccable. His vocabulary didn’t seem affected by large amounts of alcohol, only his ability to enunciate it.

“Mum got outta Hell somehow, came to find me here on Earth, and took over the... um… shall we say _earthly shell_ of a human who’d just carked it. She couldn’t very well have wandered about in her true form, y’see; she’d have inciner-erated Los Angeles. Though she did nearly blow up later on…”

“What? Blow up?”

“Yep! Remember when we were all down the pier? Mum’s Light was about to go critical and then on top of that the Mexican Godson tried to shoot her. If Amenadiel hadn’t pitched in and slowed time we would’ve all been blasted into a giant smoking crater.” He looked at her solemnly, balling his hands in front of him. Then he splayed them and pulled them slowly apart, making a _bkkkkkchhhh_ noise in the back of his throat to represent a huge explosion.

Maze nodded matter-of-factly. “Uh-huh, that was a close one.”

Chloe went cold as the pieces from Linda’s story fell into a larger picture; why Lucifer had shown up at the pier looking for Charlotte, why he’d had that knife (surely a bit dinky for a flaming sword?), and why Lucifer had been so worried for her with Charlotte there. Not to mention how Lucifer and Charlotte had been able to vanish from the pier and reappear on the beach in the blink of an eye.

Icy fingers of dread crawled up her spine; they’d all been in terrible danger and she hadn’t even had a clue.

“...Anyway, this shell you knew as Charlotte Richards. Charlotte, I mean, _Mum…_ ” Lucifer broke off when he noticed Chloe was staring at him.

“Hm. Probly shouldn’t’ve drunk so much before trying to explain this, am I right?” Then he chuckled. “It might help if _you_ drank a bit more!” He nudged her glass with his. “Bottoms up, Detective!”

She had another drink. It _did_ actually help.

“So anyway I used the flaming sword to cut a hole in space and time, Mum went through into a new universe, I chucked Azrael’s blade in too, then the hole closed up again. And then, _surprise_! Charlotte woke up in her own former corpse, back from wherever she went after she died, and wasn’t me mum any more.”

“Ohhh.” Maze said in understanding. Then she added darkly, “Good riddance.” Lucifer belatedly remembered he hadn’t told her all the details of his mum’s departure. He thought fuzzily, _did I even tell her that Mum had left? It’s a good thing she didn’t run into Charlotte in the meantime, in that case. Whoops._

Lumped in with that avalanche of information the name ‘Azrael’ barely registered with Chloe. ‘Cut a hole in space and time’? ‘New universe’? Holy shit.

“So Charlotte Richards actually came back from the dead? Wow.”

Lucifer nodded. “Mm. She doesn’t know that, though.” He eyed Chloe, remembering that Charlotte wasn’t the only one. He clamped his mouth firmly shut before he could say anything more; while it was no biggie for him - he’d died and come back twice already after all - he knew many humans found the concept scary and distressing. Chloe didn’t need to know she'd died and the knowledge would probably only upset her. _He_  certainly didn't want to dwell on it.

Chloe nodded. “Okay, so there’s that, and _yes_ you are the Devil, and _yes_ your mojo doesn’t work on me for some reason. But there’s one more thing that still doesn’t add up.” When Lucifer’s eyebrows raised questioningly Chloe took a deep breath, willing herself not to sound like a bitter ex.

“You… said we were real.”

Lucifer immediately got a hunted look on his face, and Maze looked kind of… nauseous. Chloe pushed on.

“ _Now_ I know that wasn’t a lie. So why did you leave and get married to Candy?”

Maze got up and hurriedly interjected, “ _Oooo-kay!_ That’s my cue. If you’re gonna be talking _feelings_ I’m outta here, call me when it’s over. Keep an eye on Martini here for me.” She gently lowered the now-lightly- dozing Linda’s head onto the table, carefully pillowing it with her own folded up jacket, then turned and fled to the other side of the bar. Chloe rolled her eyes. That was Maze alright; acting like witnessing any kind of emotion was some kind of cruel and unusual punishment. That gave Chloe an idea.

 _Right. New house rule. If Maze punches any more holes in our apartment she isn’t just paying for repairs, she has to sit through_ The Notebook _as well._

 

She eyed Lucifer. His body language showed his apprehension and he’d straightened up and away from her; he wasn’t happy. Fair enough - she wasn’t all that thrilled either.

“It’s okay, Lucifer. I get it; you don’t want to be with me that way. I just want to understand _why_. Because it’s pretty obvious you still have feelings for me and I don’t…” she stopped herself. She didn’t want to get mad at him; he’d made his choice. “I just... don’t want any more secrets between us, okay?”

He frowned but nodded his acquiescence. “I always intended to explain it to you, but... not juss yet, please.” He looked at her imploringly. “I juss want us to have a night, Detective, one night of having some drinks and a bit of fun without any of my D… drama cocking things up. I’ll tell you, promise. Ness time you ask me. But for now, could we juss… have another drink?” He sighed.

He’d promised. She could let him choose the time and place. But it just meant longer of wondering - what the Hell could stop Lucifer Morningstar from going after what he so obviously desired?

 _Which is me_ , she thought with a disorienting mix of happiness and hurt.

She could wait, though. It was important to him, so she could hardly refuse. Especially after she’d ignored almost everything he’d told her about himself since they’d first met. She owed him a little... faith.

She was about to reply when suddenly a very large man came up between them and put a heavily muscled arm possessively around Lucifer’s shoulders. He was good-looking in an overdone LA kind of way, but had a hungry, shark-like look about him that stirred Chloe’s cop instincts. She took an instant dislike to him and knew this wasn’t the kind of guy she’d ever want attention from.

Lucifer said absently, “Not tonight thanks.”

“I haven’t offered anything yet,” the man said, smiling with all his teeth. “How do you know you don’t want it?”

Lucifer turned in his chair to face him, and the guy was obliged to drop his arm. Lucifer replied, “I juss _said_ as much, didn’t I?”

The guy was persistent. “Come on,” he wheedled. “Don’t waste any more of your night with her. I can show you a much better time…”

Lucifer’s voice had an edge to it now. “I _said_ , no.” He turned back to Chloe.

The creep wouldn’t take no for an answer. “I see you drink whisky. I’ll give you a good stiff one…”

He reached for Lucifer’s crotch but Lucifer was too quick. Without taking his eyes from hers, Lucifer seized his wrist in an iron grip and pulled it away, to the guy’s astonishment. Then Lucifer turned and glared at him, black eyes hostile.

“Charming.” His lip curled. “Tell ya what, there’s a lovely grotty alleyway next door thass more your scene. Pop along and maybe you’ll find someone to give you a reach around or something. Though I think even that might be asking a bit much, to be honest.”

The sleazeball was predictably pissed. He loomed threateningly over Lucifer. “What did you just say to me, faggot?”

“Alleyway? That way?” Lucifer explained helpfully, pointing. “Off you pop.”

“Yeah I’ll go outside - why don’t you come with me and I’ll kick your fuckin’ ass!”

Lucifer shrugged and took a sip of his drink. “No thanks to that as well.”

Chloe fought back a giggle. The sleazeball didn’t know quite what to make of Lucifer. The guy was obviously used to getting his own way, whether by charm or by force, and when neither worked he seemed at a bit of a loss. But he didn’t look the type to back down.

It wasn’t like Lucifer was _trying_ to pick a fight, it’s just that he didn’t care if he did. He was just talking in that unflinchingly blunt and unfiltered way of his and, despite the size difference - a couple of inches in height and fifty pounds of solid muscle at least - not showing the slightest bit of fear. Although now that Chloe knew who Lucifer really was she knew she didn’t have to worry about him… if anything she felt sorry for the big gorilla who’d for some reason decided it’d be a good idea to piss off the Devil Himself.

The hulking form of Amenadiel moved to stand next to Lucifer and the look he gave the creep was serene but unflinching.

“Who’s he to you, your bitch?” The gorilla snorted contemptuously.

“My brother.” Amenadiel replied evenly. “Please leave.”

The guy’s chin jutted out like a recalcitrant child’s. “It’s a free country. I’m not going anywhere.”

Lucifer made an exasperated noise.

“DO you mind? I’m trying to talk to my detective.” Chloe’s stomach did a little flip. _His_ detective? _No, stop that. His partner, you know that’s all he meant._

The guy was unrepentant. “I was just trying to be friendly. You’re just uptight.”

Chloe rolled her eyes. One of _those_. Then she snort laughed at the suggestion Lucifer Morningstar of all people was uptight.

Ella chose that moment to butt in. Loudly. “It’s not him, it’s you, jerkoff.”

Lucifer gave the guy a withering once over. “I’m ‘bout the furthest from uptight you can get, ‘n even if I drank the rest of this bar…? _Still_ wouldn’t shag you.” He regarded him thoughtfully for a long moment. “You know, I’ve been passing for human for quite some time now, and if you made a bit of an effort maybe you could too. Here’s a tip to get you started, Harambe; most humans have a neck.” He turned back to Chloe, effectively dismissing him.

 

Ella’s eyebrows flew up. Did Lucifer have a death wish? The guy’s so ripped he looks like a condom full of walnuts!

 

The guy didn’t move, his stance aggressive. Chloe heaved a sigh, got down off her bar stool, and moved to step between him and her partner. Before she could show him her badge, however, he shoved her roughly away.

“Fuck off, hag,” he snarled.

Caught off guard, she tripped and bumped hard into Dan and Ella at the other table, knocking their drinks over. They stood up, cursing, and all three of them rounded on Harambe, Dan and Chloe reaching for their badges. Before they could take a step, however, Lucifer casually turned in his seat, planted a large hand on the guy’s chest and shoved him so hard his feet left the floor and he flew backwards to crash with brutal force into the wall.

Harambe collapsed in a heap on the floor, the wind completely knocked out of him. All conversation in the bar abruptly stopped. All that could be heard was the current song playing, The Rolling Stones’ _Get Off My Cloud_ , and the intermittent gasping of Harambe as he fought to get his breath back.

Lucifer got up off his bar stool and somewhat unsteadily started making his way over to him, _tsk_ ing in a way that made the tiny hairs on the back of Ella’s neck stand up.

She elbowed Dan in the ribs, her eyes huge. “Whoah. Dan! You saw that too, right?” she whispered. He grunted an affirmative, but he was more interested in heading off Lucifer. Amenadiel and Chloe got to him first, though, and stood between him and the creep. Lucifer’s trademark smartassery was gone and in its place was stone cold fury.

“I said NO, y’arrogant bastard! You will _not_ impose your will on me. How dare you lay a _finger_ on Chloe...”

Amenadiel said in a low voice, “Please, Brother. Let your police friends deal with him. No good will come of you pummelling this human, no matter how much he’s earned it.”

Chloe placed her hand on Lucifer’s chest. “Lucifer, no! _Stop_. He’s had enough. Come on.” Then she leaned in and whispered urgently in his ear. “Don’t, Lucifer. You could really hurt him.”

Lucifer smiled a tight, humourless smile, and kept trying to sidle around her.

“Yes, that _is_ the general idea.”

“Yeah, Lucifer!” Linda suddenly called out from her half reclined position across the table. “Smite his ass! ...overgrown bullying big jerk…” her voice receded into angry mumbling and she subsided again.

Dan had reached him too, now, and he slapped a companionable hand down on Lucifer’s back. “Lucif-”

“ _Aargh!_ ” Lucifer yelped and recoiled, flinching violently. Dan, confused, stepped back, his hands up.

“Sorry, man, I didn’t mean to… what’s wrong?”

Chloe blanched, feeling sick. Dan had pounded Lucifer right where his wings joined his back - where his scars had been. If they hurt so much it could mean only one thing; with dawning horror she realised that he must’ve done it; he’d cut his wings off again.

 _I can’t feel them any more_ , he’d said. He’d seemed so strangely relieved - was that why he was drinking so much? To try to numb the pain of what he’d done to himself? Her throat tightened. _Oh, G- god damn it, Lucifer._

He resumed his advance and she swallowed down her heartache, clenching her fists.

 _No,_ she thought, _deal with that later_. First she had to stop him getting Biblical on the slimeball wheezing in the corner.

“ _Lucifer_ ,” she said loudly in her firmest Mom voice, then leaned in close so no one else could hear. “Please don’t punish him any more. It could threaten our partnership and he’s not worth it.”

Lucifer finally stopped and looked at her, but groaned theatrically. Why did these pointless human rules keep interfering with his God-given right to punish the guilty? He had a job to do, Dad damn it!

Harambe had got his wind back and was struggling to his feet, his fists bunched. Suddenly Maze barrelled in out of nowhere, in one smooth movement pinning him back against the wall, her demon blade pressed to his throat.

“What’d I miss?” She leaned closer, sniffed thoughtfully, then laughingly said, “Kennels? You asshole. Back to your old tricks I see. I always figured you for a slow learner.”

“It's _Kennerly_. And this ain’t your concern, you psycho bounty-hunting bitch.” Kennerly tried to free himself but Maze kicked his legs out from under him, jammed her forearm across his neck, then whipped her demon blade downward so that it hovered dangerously close to his balls.

“You wanna go again, dirtbag?” she sneered.

He stopped squirming and immediately started bleating about his rights and unfair harassment.

 

\----------------

 

Ella stood there stunned, glued to the spot, still processing and trying not to be uncool and wig out.

What in the ass…?

She couldn’t believe what she’d just seen. Had she really seen it?

 _That was_ **_not_ ** _method._

She was pretty sure Lucifer had broken one of Newton’s Laws of Motion, or at least bent the Hell out of it. Just the mechanics involved in him throwing someone heavier than he was, _from a sitting position_ , were just… she couldn’t see how it was even possible. And yet he’d done it, and everyone else was being totally chill. Like it was no big deal. Ella felt a sense of unreality settle over her, and it wasn’t because of the booze. She was pretty sure she was stone cold sober now.

“ _Lucifer…_ ” Chloe’s take-no-prisoners voice but with slightly peeved undertones, like he’d just stolen her lunch bagel instead of having thrown some huge guy bigger than he was practically through a wall. She’d pulled her badge and was doing damage control with one security guy while another dragged Walnuts to his feet and escorted him to the door, flanked by Mazikeen Smith, bounty hunter, who looked _absolutely_   _freakin’_ _terrifying_.

Lucifer meanwhile had sat back down, crossed his arms and fixed the first security guard with a combative look.

“I’M not leaving. _And_ I’ve been kicked out of MUSH better places than this.”

Ella caught Dan’s eye. She casually inclined her head, flicked a glance at Lucifer, then asked Dan in Spanish, “Did you see that? How the hell did he do that?”

Dan shook his head, took a swig of his _cerveza_ and replied in the same language.

“Don’t let the smooth looks fool you. He can take care of himself. He doesn’t look it ‘cause he’s so lean, but he must lift. And do judo or kickboxing or something as well. Saw him take down two armed thugs once without even breaking a sweat. And that was after he got himself out of locked handcuffs in about three seconds flat.”

Ella’s eyes bugged out and she craned her neck to spot Lucifer, currently making off with Linda’s martini. Linda didn’t seem to mind, as she still had her head on the table.

“For real? Jeez, sounds like I’ve been missing all the good stuff stuck in the lab.”

Dan sipped his beer and replied, “You have no idea.”

Interest well and truly piqued, Ella scooted a little closer. “Spill.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Yeah, I'm with Chloe. I hate The Notebook. Definitely a cruel and unusual punishment, and one I'm not even sure a demon could withstand.  
> \- The 'condom full of walnuts' bit comes from my favourite comedian, the legendary Billy Connolly. Used in context to describe an exceedingly muscular person.  
> \- The 'what in the ass…?' quote and title of this chapter is of course another nod to the awesomeness of Deadpool. I decided it was fitting as you'll remember from part 1 of this series it's Luci's favourite movie, and possibly a favourite of our favourite lab tech geek as well. Only time will tell if my hypothesis is correct :)  
> \- On the jukebox:  
> The Pretenders - Night in My Veins  
> The Strokes - Last Night  
> Eagles of Death Metal - WannaBe in L.A.  
> The Rolling Stones - Get Off My Cloud  
> Ash Grunwald - Breakout  
> George Harrison - What is Life


	6. Friggin' James Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer raises a little Hell...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So sorry this has taken so much longer than I said it would, but I'm not accustomed to writing feels and stuff and there's a lot in these final two chapters. Plus, I never knew I could make characters talk so much! :)  
> As always feedback most welcome and appreciated!

**_Most of a cerveza_ ** **later:**

Ella would have suspected Dan was hazing her but she knew he wouldn’t outright lie, especially about something that involved Chloe. Still, she was finding it all a bit much. Some of the things he claimed to have seen their consultant do, or that their colleagues had seen, sounded way too out there to have happened anywhere but on the X Files.

Disappearing whilst surrounded by armed unis and literally dodging a bullet, the sleight of hand of surviving getting shot point blank by Malcolm Graham, various feats of astonishing strength, the aforementioned armed thugs beat-up… and she herself had just seen him do something else he shouldn’t, according to reason, have been able to do.

Again: _what in the ASS?_

Dan shrugged.

“Read the reports. The sports agent thing was witnessed by at least a dozen people, and there’s surveillance footage as well. Chloe asked Sanchez to get it for her after the case.” Dan laughed wryly and shook his head.

“Whether Lucifer’s some kinda illusionist or mentalist or something I have _no_ idea but I have to admit he’s goddamn good at it, and it does come in handy. Asking him about it’s a waste of time though; he just gives you the usual line of bullshit.”

“That he’s the Devil.” Ella prompted. Dan nodded.

“I guess a magician never reveals his secrets, or something. I stopped asking.”

“But he works for the LAPD! What about his background check?”

Dan sipped his beer and sighed. “Both me and Chloe did some digging on him when Monroe first partnered them up but we couldn’t find much. Shady dealings and hearsay but nothing substantial. The main flag was that his paper trail only goes back six years. Like he didn’t exist before that...”

Just then Lucifer appeared, jostling up against the table between them.

“What’re we saying about me?” he asked cheerfully in fluent, if somewhat slurred Spanish. He held Linda’s martini loosely in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Both were nearly finished.

Dan jumped and swore. “Fuck! You speak Spanish too?”

Ella stared at Dan, then at Lucifer, then back at Dan again. “Too? What else does he speak?”

“Well, Chinese, for one. Remember Boris Sokolov, the State’s witness in Perry Smith’s murder trial? When we were chasing up a lead on the guy who chopped Boris’ head off Lucifer here had a little chat with the boss of the local Alhambra triad ... _in Chinese_...”

Lucifer’s voice echoed slightly from inside his newly-emptied glass. “Tha’ was _Mandarin_ , you heathen.”

Dan ignored him. “... and next thing I know he’s picked a fight for Maze with one of their heavies.”

Ella stared at Lucifer. “You speak Mandarin?”

“Yep. Got a _gifted_ tongue,” he murmured, then smiled languidly at her and poked said tongue suggestively into his cheek.

Dan just shook his head but Ella’s jaw was nearly on the table. “That’s so cool. Chloe says you know hypnotism, you’re a kickboxing escape artist according to Dan here, now I find out you’re a polyglot as well… you’re a friggin’ James Bond!”

Lucifer held up an admonishing finger. “And don’t forget a virtuoso of music. And making deals.” Then added, very seriously, “And shagging.”

Ella looked closer at him with a very focused expression on her face, like the one she got when peering into a microscope. It was as if through sheer force of will she could compel the object of her fascination to divulge all its secrets.

She arched an eyebrow and murmured conspiratorially, “So what’s your deal, dude? _Are_ you, like, a former spy or something? You used to work for MI6 and now you’re retired and in a relocation program?” She leaned in closer to him. “You can tell me, I’m a vault.”

Lucifer squinted at her then at his glass. It was still empty.

“Or did you used to work in a circus or something because I’m getting a definite ‘ringmaster’ type vibe off you…”

Maze had been listening in on the conversation and she chortled, “You’re not far off.”

“A _ringmaster_ , for real? Awesome! I can totally see that..!”

“Not a circus but something like it – there were circles at least,” Maze commented and Lucifer snorted with laughter.

Ella stared at them for several long seconds, then rolled her eyes and a huge smile broke across her face. Of _course_. She nodded knowingly.

“Oh, _right_ , yeah I get you! Rings… circles… _nine_ of ‘em, am I right?” She winked and broke into loud guffaws of laughter, and Maze high fived her, laughing gleefully.

Dan sighed and sipped his beer. He didn’t get it. He was surrounded by weirdos.

\-----------------

Chloe heard more laughter back at the table and gave an impatient huff. Dealing with the aftermath of Lucifer’s latest Luciferness seemed to be taking ages, and she was rather relieved she’d stayed mostly sober tonight. She’d had to deal first with the dumbshit security guard who’d blamed them for the ‘fight’ and tried to throw Lucifer and all the rest of them out, then handle the bar manager Jeremy and Lieutenant Pierce because Kennerly had threatened legal action. The big gorilla had backed down quickly enough when Chloe in turn had threatened to press charges against him for assaulting a police officer, and then he’d promptly disappeared. For once she couldn’t bring herself to give a shit; at least now he was outta her hair.

She was nearly done smoothing things over with Jeremy. She threw wistful glances over at their tables and saw that Linda had sobered up a bit; at least, her head was off the table. Chloe watched as she and Lucifer chatted, laughing loudly and clearly both still quite drunk. She saw Lucifer stumble over to the bar and come back with a glass of water for her. Chloe smiled.

_So he does listen sometimes._

She turned away for a moment, and when she looked back Lucifer was gone. Instead, Maze and Linda stood together, both intently watching something across the crowded bar. Chloe followed their gaze and spotted Lucifer’s tall form almost immediately. He was standing right behind Kennerly, tapping him on the shoulder with an unnerving grin on his face.

_Oh shit._

\----------------

**Five minutes earlier:**

“You sh’d teller, Lushifer.”

“Tell who what, Linda?”

“Don’ play innocen’ with me, Puppy Face.” Linda lightly smacked him on the cheek a couple of times, then pointed at herself and gave him her best available serious expression. “Um a _therrapiss_.”

Lucifer eyed her critically. She was looking a little dodgy; she wouldn’t vomit, would she? He couldn’t have that. He wasn’t sure; he left it up to his bartenders to ensure Lux’ patrons weren’t served _excessively_ excessive amounts of booze, and they knew better than to let anyone chunder all over his beloved club. Best to be on the safe side and heed the Detective’s expertise.

“Hmm, think I know what you need, darling. I’ll be right back, stay put,” he said, and tottered off to the bar. He soon came back with a glass of water which Linda accepted gratefully.

“Ohh God, Lushifer…” Linda winced and made a pained face. “Sorryy, you know I dint mean that… I’m juss a _teensy_ bit hammered, you know? One tee many martoonies. Or mebbe a few too many shots. I’m gonna pay for it ‘n the morning...” she grimaced. Then grinned and slapped the table. “But iss worth it! Havin’ a super fun time tonight! Okay? You too?”

Lucifer gave a deep chuckle and draped a companionable arm around her shoulder. “Yeah, I am, thank you Doctor.”

“Good. Thass good.” Linda smiled up at him, leaning bonelessly into his side with her glasses slightly crooked. She had another sip of her water, then squinted at something across the room.

“That sleazy jerk fr’m before, izzat him?”

Lucifer followed her line of sight and indeed it was; Harambe was back, this time crowding close behind a dark-haired woman in a short skirt and a long jacket. She kept turning around, moving to try to avoid him, but with his grabby hands the big gorilla now seemed to be acting more like an octopus. Her friends were trying to shield her and shoulder him away but he wouldn’t leave her alone.

 _Oh for goodness’ sake_ , Lucifer thought in exasperation, _the bouncers here are naff. Wouldn’t put up with this rubbish at Lux._

Linda’s face creased in revulsion. “Ew. Equal opportunity sleazeball. Tha’ poor woman. Gonna smite ‘im again?” she added hopefully.

Lucifer grinned. “Copy that.”

He hopped down off his barstool, tottered over behind Harambe and tapped him on the shoulder.

“‘Scuse me.”

Harambe turned, saw who it was and grunted. “What do you want?”

Lucifer grinned broadly. “You still haven’ got the message yet, have you, dickhead? No means _nooo_.” He nodded politely past him to the table of women. “Ladies.”

The woman in the jacket threw him a grateful look and managed to finally sidle away, her friends eyeing Lucifer appreciatively.

Harambe puffed himself up and blustered, “What the fuck are you gonna do about it Harry Potter?”

Lucifer’s smile turned cold, his demeanor menacing despite the unsteadiness of his legs. _I’m going to nut this wanker._ He felt a surge of righteous anger boiling up inside him and wished he still had his Devil face; he missed being able to terrorise these human scumbags. Harambe looked suddenly uncertain.

“You think you’re God’s Gift, don’ ya? An’ juss like Him, you think you’ve got the right to do what you wan’ to people… against their will...” He grabbed the creep by his shirt front, yanked him in close, and growled into his face, “Think you’re beyond reproach, b’lieve the laws of common decency don’ apply to you, b’lieve the _sun_ shines outta your _arse_...”

He felt a surge of something else then, a pinprick of familiar heat behind his eyes. He quashed it instantly, but Harambe’s eyes widened and he wrenched himself away in a panic.

“AAAAAGGGHHHH FUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!”

Lucifer watched him, bemused, as he screamed and slapped wildly at himself, then bolted for the door, barging past the people in his way like the hounds of Hell were after him. On the way he snatched a jug of beer from a table and dumped it over his crotch, then shouldered his way out the door and took off up the street howling, leaving the slightest whiff of singed hair in his wake.

The murmur of conversation in the bar again ceased as everyone gaped in astonishment and wondered what kind of bad trip he was on. Then they vowed to themselves that next time someone offered them drugs, they were definitely gonna say ‘no’ _._

Lucifer stood there frowning after him. Then snorted.

 _Whaddaya know, he was right,_ he thought to himself. _The sun_ **_does_ ** _shine out of his arse_.

He waved goodbye to the group of admiring ladies, then sauntered unsteadily back to the others, snickering and singing to himself.

 _...and it burns burns burns…_ heheheh... _the ring of fire… the ring of fire…_

Chloe intercepted him on the way back, eyeing him suspiciously. She hadn’t seen him do anything besides grab Kennerly’s shirt but Lucifer looked way too smug for her peace of mind.

“What was all that about?”

“Hmm?”

“You walk up behind him, say two words to him and suddenly he bolts out the door like his ass is on fire.”

“It was.”

“What?”

Lucifer burst out laughing but didn’t answer. Chloe just _knew_ he’d done something. _He can’t have showed him his true face,_ she decided _. He said his dad healed it._

She tugged on his arm as they made their way back to Maze and Linda and he retrieved his drink from the table, still laughing. “Lucifer. You did something, didn’t you.”

He eventually subsided into giggles and gave her his butter- wouldn’t- melt, ‘who, me?’ baby seal eyes look. She didn’t buy it for a second. She got it from Trixie all the time and it didn’t work on her anymore.

“Lucifer. _What the Hell did you do?_ ”

Lucifer sighed and shrugged. “In a way, yeah.” At her blank look he looked shifty. “I _may_ have… sort of… assidennally… ignited a teeny tiny, itty bitty sun under his arse.” He put both hands over his mouth in mock remorse but his eyes twinkled with barely suppressed laughter. “Oops.”

Maze cracked up. “Ahahahahaa! You really smoked his ass!” Lucifer started up again too, holding his stomach and half-falling into his seat.

Chloe heard Linda’s sharp intake of breath, but neither Lucifer nor Maze seemed to notice the impact this particular bit of news had had on their two celestial insiders. They were too busy laughing and trying to outdo each other with ass on fire jokes.

“Morningstar brand hotpants!”

“Feel the burn!”

“Oh well played! Looks like he got up at the dawn of crack this evening...”

“Now that’s what I call a hot pocket…”

“Liar, liar, arse on fire…”

Meanwhile, Chloe felt a bit like she was standing in the middle of an earthquake, the ground lurching and shuddering beneath her feet. It was a sensation that was becoming increasingly familiar, and she again gripped the table to anchor herself.

 _He can jump start a SUN??_ She whacked Lucifer in the arm.

“Since when can you do that?”

“Since always. Mum and Dad made me the Lightbringer, y’see. Remember fr’m Wiki-whassit? Though I wasn’t able to while me wings were absent of course…” He stopped suddenly, his expression first bewildered then furious.

“But I cut ‘em off! Wha’ the _Hell…_? Muss mean the bloody things’ve come back again somehow. Better check…” He went to slide off his barstool.

 _Whoah! Not here!_ Chloe hurriedly clapped an arm across his back and whispered, “Don’t you dare!”

Lucifer stopped, surprised but pleased that the Detective suddenly had her arm around him, and appeared to reconsider. He settled back down and had another sip of his drink.

“Yes per’aps you’re right... ’ll sort the sneaky buggers out later.”

Chloe was starting to freak out a bit, but the news that Lucifer’s wings had somehow come back again was such a relief that it kind of headed off the panic attack. So rather than go into shock she got angry instead. She whispered furiously into his ear.

“Okay, first of all, you cut your wings off again? _What the Hell, Lucifer!_ And then they grew _back_ again? I take it that doesn’t usually happen?”

“ _NO_ of course not!” exploded Lucifer. “I’m not a bloody lizard!”

At Lucifer’s indignant expression Maze doubled over in a fresh bout of laughter and Chloe threw her an irritated glare.

“Well _I_ don’t know, do I? And second, you set that guy _on fire_? Shit, Lucifer, you can’t go around doing that to people who piss you off! You might’ve really hurt him!”

Lucifer frowned and said a little defensively, “It was only a mimmis… a minish… a tiny little one, barely even anything. An’ I did say it was an assident.” Then he _laughed_.

She levelled a glare at him. “What the Hell is so funny now?”

Lucifer grinned happily back at her, seemingly unperturbed by her temper, which of course pissed her off even more.

“Juss enjoying the fact that you believe things when I say ‘em now, Detective. Have to say, ‘s quite refreshing.”

Chloe relaxed a little. _Oh. This is all an adjustment for him too, I guess._

He went on, “Anyway he deserved it! He’s’n arsehole!” He chuckled, swaying a little. “An’ now he’s a _flaming_ arsehole!” Then he held on to the table to steady himself as he again collapsed into helpless giggles.

Wide-eyed, Chloe stared at him, then at Linda, who stared back, apparently just as floored as she was.

Then Linda slowly blinked and ...shrugged. She seemed to have reached her freakout limit as far as celestial shenanigans were concerned. It was either that or the five martinis and multiple shots under her belt.

 _Or maybe I’m just overreacting_ , Chloe thought.

Making an overly big deal of the fact that her partner was a man-shaped nuclear reactor.

 _Why fuss over a little fusion? I mean, his brother can control time. His parents are gods. There’s bound to be some unusual talents in the family_ … _just... breathe._

_Yeah._

_And have another drink. It’s all good._

 

_\----------------------_

Lucifer punched a final number into the jukebox with a flourish, then raised his glass high in a toast.

“Here, ‘Menadil, less make a toast. A toast! To every bro and sis still slaving away for Dad. Those poor, poor brainwashed bastards.”

He tapped his glass to Amenadiel’s and took a sip, then leaned casually back against the wall. Amenadiel glanced down at the upcoming song title and smiled, shaking his head at his younger brother’s irreverent sense of humour; _We Gotta Get Outta This Place_ by The Angels.

Lucifer sighed. “I feel sorry for ‘em, I do. Every single one of ‘em could do with a good shag.” Then he added matter- of- factly, “‘Cept Azzrel o’ course. Azzrel can go fuck herself.”

Lucifer had told him - amid much swearing and vows of painful retribution - what had happened between him and Azrael in the desert. Amenadiel felt a stab of remorse at what their sister had done; not so long ago, he’d been no better.

 _She believes Lucifer is evil, just as I did,_ he thought guiltily. _We’ve all let him down so many times, no wonder Luci doesn’t trust us. Or Father’s gifts._ But he had a strong feeling that for some reason, their father’s Plan involved Lucifer accepting them. Why, he had no idea, but he had faith.

“Luci,” he began tentatively, “I was thinking. Since Chloe now knows about us, you should tell her the truth. About everything. I think it’s the right thing to do and I’m sure she could handle it.”

“Oh I have no doubt she c’n handle it,” Lucifer replied confidently. “And I was gonna tell her… most of it, but now I’m havin’ second thoughts.”

“Why?”

“Cos you juss suggested it.” Lucifer gave him a look as if to say _duh_. Amenadiel figured he should’ve seen that one coming.

“Father is telling you, in His own way, that you’re forgiven. Restoring your angelic form, your wings. And Chloe is a gift too. Even her name reflects it; ‘Jane’ means ‘ _gift from God_ ’.”

“Yeah great - cos we all know Dad’s pressies are the _best_. He gives with one hand and takes with the other; just ask that poor bastard Job.” When Amenadiel gave him a quizzical look, Lucifer continued, “One ‘gift’ I can’t assept cos I’m not a complete monster, and the other, my wretched wings, I don’t want any more. Even tried returning ‘em, fat lot of good it did.”

“What?”

“Cut ‘em off again. ‘Cept… bloody things came back, dint they. Father’s determined to shove me face in it.”

Lucifer suddenly turned to him hopefully, and Amenadiel knew what he was going to ask. His heart sank.

“So, newly useful and on-side brother of mine - are you gonna help me get ‘em off this time?”

Amenadiel swallowed. “Lucifer, much as I want to help, I… can’t. I couldn’t do that to you.” Amenadiel shuddered.  What he wouldn’t give to get his wings back, and Lucifer was treating his like some kind of annoying hangnail.

Lucifer frowned and grumbled, “Whass the big deal? Maze did it, though now I can’t order her to do it she won’ do it again. I can’t ask Doctor Linda cos she’s human, the Detective’s immune to divinity but she doesn’t approve, so that leaves you. I’ll even owe you one, cos it’s a right awkward bastard doing it meself…”

“I’m sorry, Lucifer, I just… can’t.”

Lucifer threw him a disgusted look. “So, thass a no. Fat lot of help you are, Brother. As always.”

“But why cut them off? Why won’t you accept Father’s gifts? Why deny who you truly are? One of God’s angels, forgiven and made whole again...”

“ _I_ know who I am; iss you and Dad who seem a bit slow on the uptake. Samael’s long gone, bro. Speaking of names, _-el_ means _‘of God_ ’, but I’m not any more, am I? Sticking me wings back on isn’t gonna change that.”

“I truly believe that…”

Lucifer bristled. “For the misguided love of Dad, would ya stop stickin’ your nose in where iss not wanted? You’re’s bad as He is!”

Amenadiel finally lost his temper.

“I’m trying to _advise_ you, you intractable mule!”

“I don’t _wan’_ your advice, y’ arrogant prick!”

Amenadiel and Lucifer glared at each other, fists bunching in frustration. Their voices had gotten louder, and Amenadiel suddenly realised Ella and Daniel were probably listening in. He switched to the angelic tongue, the one humans referred to as Enochian, and he silently thanked his Father that Lucifer subconsciously did too.

 _What the hell language is that,_ Ella thought. Hard consonants and talking at the backs of their throats, yet soft kinda... _swishy_ vowels...?

 _It sounds a bit like a drunken mashup of Elvish and Klingon. Maybe slightly more Klingon because of all the arguing. Maybe some kinda Dutch dialect? Definitely European._ She wondered what they were fighting about. Typical brother stuff, no doubt. She rolled her eyes. _Boys_ . _Get ‘em on the booze and the caveman starts to come out._

“Would ya bloody leave it alone? How would you know anyway!”

“Lucifer, listen. I have faith that…”

Lucifer let out a derisive snort. “Faith! _Ha!_ Thass a joke! You think He has a good reason f’r _anything_ He does? The suffering that his Creations endure every bloody day when He could just fix all of it. But he doesn’. He doesn’ lift a finger, wouldn’ even save Uriel…” his voice broke, but he shook his head angrily. When he continued, his voice quavered slightly with emotion.

“He’s a bloody tyrant. I only questioned Him an’ He cast me down. Everyone called it a war but nobody died, did they? I only wanted to be free, t’ask why humans were given Free Will when none of us were. But instead He... threw me out like garbage. S’pose I should be _thankful_ ,” his mouth twisted, “that Mum stopped Him from destroying me, at least.”

Lucifer saw Amenadiel’s eyes widen. “Oh - you din’t know that? S’true. Mum told me.”

He frowned. “I stayed in Hell for _eons_. Doin’ Dad’s dirty work, letting you keep taking me back, hoping… I dunno what I was hoping. For Him to maybe…” He stopped, shaking his head dismissively.

“And now he’s taken me scars like it never happened. Like all’s forgiven.” Lucifer rounded on his big brother, stepping up close and jabbing a long finger into Amenadiel’s chest. His voice was hoarse.

“Well _I_ don’ forgive what he did to me, ‘cos THIS,” he flapped a hand at himself, “isn’t an apology. I‘m the Devil, _not_ an angel, an’ no one else defines me; only me!”

Amenadiel was lost for words. He’d never known Lucifer to be so open with his feelings; at least, with anything that wasn’t purely anger. Lucifer was truly upset, and now that he’d started, he seemed unable to stop. The floodgates of pain and misery had burst open and his grief was a raw wound. The lights flickered and Amenadiel looked up warily.

“And you, you son of a bitch, you only wanna help me cos you think Dad wants you to. Cos you want your wings back. Not for me. And judging by what you’ve done to me so far _pardon me_ if I suspect you’ll chuck me unner the bus first chance ya get.”

Amenadiel put his hand on Lucifer’s shoulder, his face stricken. “Lucifer, no - I wouldn’t do that…”

Lucifer shrugged him off. “ _But ya_ **_did_ ** _!”_ His face was a mask of rage and hurt.

“For so long you held the ‘fact’ that I was Dad’s favourite over me, used it to blame me, chastise me, shame me for following me own path. You hated me for it. Admit it! And you _still_ believed it even after what He did to me when He cast me away!”

Amenadiel swallowed. That was true. And he felt deeply ashamed that he’d hardly spared a thought for Lucifer after his exile, that he’d left him to suffer. He’d been so jealous of his little brother, so sure that he deserved punishment that he’d felt justified in his cruelty towards him, had even taken pleasure in it, just as Azrael had. He had never been just a brother to Lucifer, had not even seen that he wasn’t evil until recently. For most of their lives he had believed he was the better, more deserving son, and had accordingly treated Lucifer like crap.

Lucifer’s face contorted in fury and he went on, subconsciously switching back to English.

“Except o’ course I was never the favourite. But you resented me anyway, all of you did, and you rejoiced in me suffering! Not one o’ you came to visit me after I got booted out. I saw tha’ bitch Azzrel, but she made it plain she was only doin’ her job, that she loathed the very sight of me. And you weren’t much better.” Amenadiel remained silent. There was nothing he could say. Lucifer was right.

“And now ya know _you’re_ the favourite, always have been, you’ve been taking every chance to rub it in me face. Dad gave you his precious key, a nice big pat on the head for you and a great big extra ‘fuck you’ for me.”

“No, Luci, that’s not ... I never meant it that way. I just… was happy that Father had faith in me after all.”

“How lovely for you.” Lucifer spat bitterly. “But why sh’d I believe you? You’ve lied to me before and you don’ give two shits about me.”

“Of course I care about you, Lucifer. You’re my brother and I want to help you. I’ve helped you before, remember? To find Malcolm, and when we all saved Chloe.”

“ _Two_ exceptions,” Lucifer retorted, then continued sarcastically, “Oh I’m sorry, I muss be mistaken, then.”

He ticked a list off on his fingers. “You also shunned me, belittled me, harassed me, turned me own demon against me, blamed me for all your own fuck-ups, and less not forget believed every nassy little thing ever said about me. You stayed firmly on Dad’s side ‘til he ashully turned around and threw _you_ out. You got a nerve stickin’ up for that bassard after what he did to me.”

Dan, who couldn’t help overhearing, blanched at Lucifer’s words. _His_ ** _father_  ** _gave him those massive scars? This family is even more fucked up than I thought._

Lucifer laughed bitterly. “You even bloody tried to k-”

Amenadiel cut in hurriedly, glancing at Dan and Ella. “I know! I was wrong, I told you that. I’m trying to make up for it…” Lucifer scoffed loudly but Amenadiel pressed on. “I know I can probably never atone for all of it, Lucifer, but at least know I’m on your side now. And I truly believe that Father...”

Lucifer cut him off. “Don’ wanna hear it.”

He suddenly frowned and backed away. He shook his head, confused, and muttered irritably, “No I _don’t_ wanna hear it. I don’ wanna talk about it. Whass done is done. This is s’posed to be a party for goodness’ sake!” He threw an annoyed glance at Amenadiel, his feelings once again hidden behind a mask of annoyed indifference. “So thanks for nothing, ya big bald buzzkill. Feel free to rack off.”

Lucifer spun on his heel, staggering only slightly in the process, and swiped a fresh drink from the table on his way back to the Wurlitzer.

“Now, where was I…?”

Amenadiel went over to Linda, who’d had a front row seat to most of their little exchange and seemed to have actually been sober enough to comprehend most of it; the parts in English, anyway. He knew he’d be hearing more about this in their next session. Him and Lucifer both.

Chloe had been by her side, but the moment Lucifer had walked away she’d followed him, presumably to try to offer comfort. Amenadiel thought it very unlikely Lucifer would accept any; he’d rather find a distraction.

He gave Linda an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, Linda, I should go. He’s still mad at me and if I stay he’s more likely to do something we’ll all regret. I’ll talk to you later.” They briefly touched hands then Amenadiel turned and walked away. Maze watched him leave, her hands itching for her blades. Or maybe a nice heavy meat mallet.

“Oooh!” came Lucifer’s excited voice from the direction of the jukebox. “I _like_ the sound of this one!” John Lee Hooker abruptly cut out and a new song started playing.

 

_I CAN’T GET ENOUGH!_

 

A heavy bass started thumping through the speakers and Ella recognised the song instantly; _Can’t Get Enough_ by The Infadels. She’d played Gran Turismo 4 so many times the soundtrack was indelibly burned into her brain, and this song in particular always made her want to boost the first fast car she could find and peel rubber down the street.

Lucifer finished the rest of his drink, grabbed Chloe, and dragged her into the nearest open area of floor space.

“Come on, Detective!”

He wanted to dance, to keep drinking, to forget. Through the happy haze of alcohol he saw Chloe’s face, smiling indulgently at him, even though she wasn’t even _trying_ to match his dance moves. He moved over and swept her into his arms to give her a little encouragement, and she laughed good-naturedly.

She was so good to him. He was so lucky to have her. He wished this night could go on forever, the two of them laughing and having fun, just like real friends.

The music was loud, the rhythm an insistent, driving force, and he felt something release inside him. He whooped and whirled Chloe around, laughing and stomping his feet to the pounding of the beat. He felt like he could finally let go, surrender himself and disappear into the music.

Unbeknownst to Lucifer, within moments the entire bar was a heaving mass of people, dancing and throwing themselves around to the music with wild abandon. In darkened corners of the room couples made out up against the walls and across the tops of tables, one couple practically dry humping up against the bar.

Chloe’s dance with Lucifer was cut short when a sudden surge of people rolled towards Lucifer and she was pushed away from him. She looked around and saw that all around her people were in a frenzy of dancing, kissing, groping, making out up against walls and trying to climb over the bar to get at the booze. Several were crowd surfing, doing laps of the bar to rousing cheers, and there was some stage diving going on over by the door as well. It was bedlam.

One young woman dressed sensibly in jeans and a dark green top climbed up and balanced on the bar, laughing and gyrating energetically. She unbuttoned most of her shirt and yelled, “Hey look! I’m coyote ugly!” A hopeful-looking young man climbed up behind her, tore off his shirt and started playfully slapping her ass. She turned in surprise, then smiled, threw her arms around his neck and started making out with him.

Ella looked around in disbelief. Just what the hell had gotten into everybody? It was like they’d suddenly time-travelled to a saloon in the Wild West. Or maybe Toon Town.

Chloe retreated to the relative safety of their tables and turned to Maze, who was watching the chaos with a smile on her face.

Chloe had yet another ‘holy crap’ moment. “Desire really IS his superpower, huh?”

Maze nodded, smirking. “Yeah. He’s gotten pretty good at keeping a lid on it though, especially since working with you and spending more time at the precinct. He said humans constantly throwing themselves at him was getting kinda annoying.” She snorted. “Not something I thought I’d ever hear him say.”

“So why aren’t Ella or I affected? Or Dan?” whispered Linda.

Maze tapped her lip thoughtfully. “Dunno. Habit? Maybe he shields you guys somehow?” She lifted her chin at Chloe. “And it’s never worked on you, Decker.”

 _Yeah,_ thought Chloe _. He told me that the very first day we met. That whole ‘carnal fascination’ thing that I said didn’t exist._ She looked around and whistled. _Boy was_ **_I_ ** _wrong._

“So what exactly is happening? Is Lucifer doing this?”

“No. He’s not causing it, but you could say he’s enabling it. He’s bringing desire to the surface; whether people then act on it is still their choice, but…” she laughed. “The fact most of them - and him - have been drinking is helping things along!”

“Don’t you think you should do something?”

“What? I’m not his babysitter any more. He’s a big Devil. He can look after himself.”

Just then a large mass of women surged forward, grasping for Lucifer, tripping over themselves in their attempt to reach him. His tall form disappeared under an avalanche of bodies and Chloe gasped. Over the bass pounding of the music they heard Lucifer laughing uproariously, then suddenly stop and yell, “OW! Bloody Hell! ‘Oo did that!”

Maze raised an eyebrow. “O-kay, he _should_ be able to look after himself.”

“Come on Maze. He’s drunk and literally vulnerable. We should look out for him. Not to mention,” Linda pointedly lowered her voice, though it was still kinda loud, “... make sure he doesn’t do anything else too… _devilish_?” Linda cut her eyes meaningfully at the anarchy surrounding them and Dan and Ella watching on in disbelief.

Maze looked at Linda’s beseeching expression then huffed and threw her hands in the air.

“Okay, _fine_ ,” she acquiesced churlishly, muttering _damn it_ _ruin my fun then_ under her breath _._ Then she continued more loudly, “Obviously the quickest way to fix this is to sober him up. That means you have to leave, Decker.”

“Huh?”

Maze barked, “Go, Chloe! And don’t let him see you. He’s already distracted, you haul ass outside then run as fast as you can away from here - a couple of blocks at least. I’ll let you know when it’s safe to come back.”

“Wait, do you mean what he said about…”

“Decker, just shut up and do as I say, wouldya?! If he sees you leaving we won’t be able to stop him following you. I’ll explain when you get back. Hurry up, before they start a riot and things get outta hand.”

 _This isn’t out of hand?_ thought Chloe as she quickly ducked down and dashed away, shoving through the press of the crowd towards the door.

\---------------------

Ten minutes later Maze texted her and Chloe headed back. She had to weave her way through all the people leaving the bar; it was slowly emptying as a rather frazzled Jeremy had apparently had enough and kicked everyone out. The punters had been having such a grand time they were reluctant to go, however, so he’d called the police and threatened to have them all arrested for trespassing and vandalism. The sound of approaching sirens echoed faintly around the Strip.

As Chloe fought her way through the door the crowd filing past were talking and laughing animatedly, still drunk and slightly incredulous at what they’d been up to.

“Holy shit, think I got a little carried away back there...”

“I know, right? I haven’t gone off like that since college! I feel like a teenager again! Haha!”

“Don’t you love nights like that, where everyone just has the best time, all totally spontaneous?”

“That was awesome! Where to next?”

She saw Lucifer standing with the others at the back of the room, looking completely back to normal, if a little worse for wear. He’d put his suit jacket back on but she could see his shirt was torn and his vest missing most of its buttons. Also, there was blood on his bottom lip and left ear and his hair was all over the place. When he spotted her he threw her an accusing glance.

“You ruined my buzz,” he said peevishly. Then he looked around at the wreckage of the bar and continued in a more conciliatory tone, “Although… it was probably for the best.”

Ella gasped when she saw her. “Oh there you are! I was worried about you, dude - where’d you go? Things got a little loco for a while there.”

Chloe thought fast and waved her phone. “Just checking on Trixie at her sleepover. All good.”

She eyed Lucifer; far from the drunken Devil he’d been only 10 minutes earlier, he seemed sober as a judge. And rather annoyed by that fact.

He cleared his throat, looked down at himself, and sighed resignedly.

“Rest in pieces - another perfectly good Burberry.” Then he smiled happily. “Worth it though.” He brushed himself off, to no avail, and raised a disapproving eyebrow. “Can’t go anywhere looking like this. Everyone coming back to my place?”

Dan frowned. “I‘ll pass. I dunno what trick you pulled this time but it wasn’t my idea of fun.”

“Dan!” Chloe chided.

Dan held up his hands. “What, Chloe? He _did_ something, used his hypnosis gimmick or whatever. Like when he made that guy run off and pour beer on himself. He loves his mind games, everything’s all a big act, probably thought it was funny.”

Dan was feeling much more sympathetic toward Lucifer since finding out what his dad had done to him, but his patience still had limits. Lucifer probably had PTSD or something; being a victim of child abuse would explain a lot of his character traits; specifically his sometimes skewed grip on reality, his drinking, promiscuity and general weirdness. He was a survivor, and just trying to make sense of things after suffering a massive trauma.

 _But even so, that’s no reason we should have to keep putting up with_ **_all_ ** _of his crap. Guy needs boundaries._

Ella turned to Dan with a _what the heck, dude_ expression and Chloe leapt to Lucifer’s defence. “It wasn’t his fault! You’re seriously gonna blame him for this?”

Lucifer put a restraining hand on the Detective’s arm and smiled disarmingly at Dan. “It is true that things got out of hand - just the way I like it. But it’s also such a shame that you are so very dull that you can’t just sit back and enjoy things when they get a little rowdy, Daniel.”

Dan scoffed and shook his head. That was Lucifer for you, full of shit as always.

Lucifer inclined his head inquiringly at Ella.

“Miss Lopez?”

Much as she was dying to join them at the penthouse, Ella had plans for the rest of her night; a meet up with her elusive and troublesome brother Ricky and, hopefully, later, a little nitrous-on-nitrous street racing in North Hollywood. What would her law enforcement buddies think if they found _that_ out?

She stammered, “Uh, I’d love to but I can’t, sorry. I gotta get up early tomorrow and… water the... dog. Maybe next time! And uh, tonight’s been real… interesting! Thanks for letting us tag along.” She turned to Dan.

“Wanna Uber it?”

“Sounds good.”

As Dan and Ella said their goodbyes, Lucifer giving Dan another big hug (‘ _no hard feelings, Douche, not even semi-hard’_ ) Ella watched Lucifer with a thoughtful look on her face. _Had_ he just mass hypnotised a bar full of people? And she still couldn’t figure out how the heck he’d thrown that bodybuilder dude. That was some serious Kung Fu Panda shit. And what about the other things Dan had told her? Each on their own was totally cray-cray but put them all together and it added up to a mystery she just couldn’t resist. She’d always liked Lucifer, it was really nice to work with someone even nuttier than she was, but now her Spidey sense was tingling. She knew she had to find out his deal.

Lucifer Morningstar _definitely_ warranted further investigation.

As Dan and Ella headed for the door, Lucifer pulled out his smartphone and tapped the screen, grinning mischievously. A few seconds later Dan’s cell started ringing, but it took him a while to realise it because the ringtone had changed. It was now the looped chorus of _The Douche Song_ from the TV show _Two and a Half Men_.

 

_You’re a douche you’re a douche you’re a big fizzy douche_

_You broke that poor girl’s heart…_

_You’re a douche you’re a douche you’re a big fizzy douche_

_You should have told the truth right from the start…_

 

Dan stopped in the doorway and pulled his phone from his pocket, staring at it in bewilderment, while Lucifer and Maze howled with laughter. Dan glared at Lucifer and hung up on him.

“You asshole!” he yelled. “Not funny!” It just made them laugh harder.

Next to him a giggling Ella coughed “ _YEAHITWAS!”_

Dan glowered at her and she tried to look repentant, but her barely stifled laughter meant it wasn’t very convincing.

As they left, Chloe gave Dan a sympathetic look, and tried her best not to giggle too. So _that’s_ what Lucifer had been doing with Dan’s phone...

Before they left, Lucifer took Jeremy aside and handed over another enormous wad of cash - apparently ‘for emergencies’ - and he cheered up soon enough. Lucifer also had a few stern words with the two bouncers; they looked more than a little shaken after he was done with them. At the door they bade him and the others a hasty but very courteous goodnight, and as they turned for Lux, the doors slammed shut behind them and they heard the locks and deadbolts slide home. Maze grinned.

“Great place, huh? We should come here more often.” Her grin turned diabolical. “What’s everyone doing next Friday?”

Chloe chewed her lip thoughtfully, then a wicked grin spread across her face. “We-ell, I _do_ have a birthday coming up…”

 

\-----------------

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- 'Can't Get Enough' is one of my favourite songs for getting geed up, and it worked great for my fic that it was on the Gran Turismo 4 soundtrack :) I might put all the songs in this fic in a YouTube playlist then you can see the fun music video that goes with it; the band going off and having some messy fun at the La Tomatina festival in Italy :)  
> \- On the jukebox:  
> The Superjesus - Now and Then  
> Gotye - Easy Way Out  
> Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire  
> U2 - Desire  
> The Angels - We Gotta Get Outta This Place  
> The Avener & John Lee Hooker - It Serves You Right to Suffer (The Avener Rework)  
> The Infadels - Can’t Get Enough


	7. Not Going Anywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deckerstar and Laze in the penthouse for one Hell of a reckoning. SO. MANY. FEELS.  
> Ends in fluff.

Lucifer, Chloe, Maze and Linda walked along Sunset Boulevard back to Lux and made it up to the penthouse without further incident, although Lucifer did get several smirking looks, to his dismay. As soon as they stepped foot from the elevator he made a beeline for his room to make himself presentable again, leaving the ladies (and demon) to crank up the sound system and get started on his liquor. While they were sorry that Ella hadn’t been able to join her tribe Chloe and Linda had to admit they were relieved that they could speak freely again.

They had a poke around Lucifer’s bookshelves and devised a drinking game whereby they had a shot whenever they found a book with Satanic or demonic references. But they called it off after only five minutes because of the threat of alcohol poisoning. Chloe was about to suggest they play Twenty Questions when she suddenly stopped and looked at Maze, blurted “WIGS!” and burst out laughing. Maze merely raised one scarred eyebrow.

Linda gave a little laugh and nudged Chloe. “What wigs? No fair, no private jokes allowed...”

Chloe snorted, trying to suppress her giggles. “It’s not; not exactly. I just remembered something Lucifer said once; something about wearing wigs in Hell?” She spluttered with laughter again, picturing the stony-faced bounty hunter before her resplendent in a multi-coloured curly clown wig and rotating bow tie. And the unimpressed look on Maze’s face made it even funnier.

“Huh? What are you talking about?” asked Linda. “Wigs in Hell?”

Chloe nodded. “Lucifer told me it was to... to torture people with a fear of _hair!_ ”

Linda stared back at her, then broke into giggles as well. “Wigs as a means of torture? I mean, there’s some pretty scary hairdos out there but I wouldn’t have thought they could be used as a form of punishment.” Then she tilted her head and muttered thoughtfully, “Although that godawful spiral perm I had in high school would certainly qualify…”

Maze nodded sombrely. “Uh-huh. A demon’s job is pretty straightforward; each soul decides its own punishment and most of the time that involves the thing it fears most. So you just give them what they want.”

The _hair_ thing it fears most? A bad dye job? A comb-over? A mullet?

“But… wigs? Seriously?” Chloe just couldn’t imagine anyone finding a wig, even worn by someone as adept at punishment as Mazikeen, even remotely scary.

Maze nodded and sipped her whisky. “Yeah - the wilder the better. We used to call in this guy for special cases - what was his name? Zeirimir? Something like that. Anyway, he was covered in this long matted dark hair, kinda like a Sasquatch. And he had a few extra limbs - eyes too - plus these awesome huge fangs, so he was kinda like a cross between a nine-foot tall Cousin Itt and a giant spider.”

Linda and Chloe both stopped giggling and gulped. Yeah now _that_ didn’t sound even the slightest bit funny.

Maze smiled a little wistfully. “He was fun - it was always a real challenge getting any attacks in past those extra arms. I wonder what he’s up to these days?”

“Exactly the same thing as when you saw him last, I expect,” Lucifer called in a bored tone, coming down the steps from his bedroom doing up a cufflink. He was once again immaculate - so to speak - in a crisp white shirt and trousers, not a hair out of place, and even the small cuts on his face had healed already. Chloe shook her head in amazement. Damn that was cool. That ability would’ve come in handy when Jimmy shot her; his handiwork had taken weeks to fully heal, the bastard.

She shook herself and put Jimmy Barnes firmly from her mind, because the conversation had broached a subject that she was extremely curious about.

“So what’s the deal with demons? They all just stay in Hell torturing people?”

Lucifer nodded as he settled his tall frame on the couch and poured himself a whisky from the lineup of bottles on the coffee table. “Yes, usually. Demons don’t possess the ability to physically cross the planes on their own. I had to carry Maze here. I know she wasn’t particularly keen on coming, but she’d sworn a vow to me and was obligated to. Demons are generally happiest in Hell - it’s their home.”

Linda looked at Maze then, a question in her eyes.

Maze shook her head, then smiled at Linda. “Not any more.”

Lucifer watched Maze with interest, then continued offhandedly, “Besides, I kept them firmly in line.”

Chloe pressed, “But now that you’re gone...?”

“There’s only a few demons who might have the inclination to try crossing to Earth. Gaudium for example would love it here, I’m sure. And he’s cunning enough to figure out a way to do it - pinch a Pentecostal coin or something...”

“What about demonic possession? I know _you_ don’t do it,” she added hastily, “but is it a thing?”

“Their essence _can_ be summoned from Hell via a ritual, but not their physical bodies. The odd scallywag occasionally crosses over, hitches a ride in a human body and causes a bit of trouble, but they can’t really do all that much.”

Chloe had seen _The Exorcist_ when she was fifteen and it had scared the crap out of her. She asked, a little nervously, “So it’s not like the movies, then, they can’t levitate things or twist people’s heads around or kill them or stuff like that?”

Lucifer and Maze stared at her, then looked at each other and started laughing uproariously. Lucifer gasped, “You mean like _The Exorcist_ , yes?” Chloe nodded.

“That movie is _hilarious_! Levitating beds and spewing pea soup all over the place -” he and Maze dissolved into hysterics again, “- absolute rubbish.”

Chloe relaxed. _Phew. That’s a relief._

Maze wiped a tear from her eye. “Fuck I love that movie! I can’t wait to show the little human.”

Chloe opened her mouth to inform her roommate she was gonna do _no such thing_ , when Lucifer went on conversationally, “I mean, yes _of course_ demons can kill people -” Chloe froze, “- they aren’t bound by the same rules that angels are. They can be extremely creative when it comes to slaughter, they were made that way. And unfortunately if someone topside decides to muck around with forces they don’t understand and accidentally summons a Lilim, whatever turns up isn’t usually very good at telling the difference between a wicked soul that deserves punishment and an innocent, still-living human. Especially if they’re a bit confused and don’t actually realise they’re not in Hell anymore. And all demons are fond of foul language and using it to curse my Father, that’s something I always encouraged. But all that teleportation and telekinesis and pyrokinesis nonsense is just that bloody artistic license again.” He primly adjusted his cufflinks. “ _I’m_ the only one who can do all that.”

Maze added, “Except for demon blades.”

Lucifer nodded. “Fair point. A demon’s personal weapons are the exception to the rule.”

Chloe and Linda looked at Maze. “Your knives? What’s so special about them?”

“They were forged in Hell at the same time I was. I can summon them.” To illustrate her point she reached to the small of her back and one of her biflected blades, similar in design to an Indonesian _karambit_ , suddenly appeared in her hand. Nonchalantly turning in her seat she flung it backhanded towards the library. It hissed through the air and its wickedly sharp point thunked solidly into the spine of a book at least forty feet away.

Lucifer yelped. “Bloody Hell, Mazikeen! Watch the collection…!”

Maze shrugged. “Don’t worry, it’s the one I gave you that I didn’t like.”

Lucifer relaxed and waved a dismissive hand. “Ah - _Fifty Shades of Rape_? Go ahead then. Hit it again.”

Maze raised her right hand towards the library and a moment later her blade whirled back across the apartment towards her. She snatched it from midair, twirled it a couple of times, then returned it to its unseen sheath at her back.

Linda and Chloe stared at her for several seconds, then Linda blurted, “Every day I know you you get more and more badass.” She held up her tumbler in salute.

Maze grinned proudly and clinked her glass to it. “Thanks, Linda.”

Chloe gripped her whisky tumbler harder, her mind racing. “So hold up, Lucifer… demonic possession is real, demons can come here and even kill people, you aren’t in Hell to keep them in line anymore but you’re not worried?”

Lucifer shrugged a shoulder. “Not my problem.”

Chloe exploded. “ _Not your-!_ ”

Lucifer held up his hands. “Don’t fret, Detective, demons are generally much happier in Hell. And besides, it’s not like humans are completely powerless against an incorporeal demon or two.” At Chloe’s raised eyebrows he explained, “Usually a few mystic runes, some mutterings in a crusty old dead language and a splash or two of holy water, and any occultist worth their salt wards can send them on their way.” He preened a little. “Of course, _I_ wouldn’t need all that claptrap. One look at me and they’d scarper back home pronto, if they knew what was good for them.”

“So demons aren’t ‘evil’ either?”

Maze answered, rather tetchily, “Of course we are.”

Lucifer caught Chloe’s eye behind Maze’s back, shook his head, and smirkingly mouthed _no_. When Maze saw Chloe glance past her she turned around, but Lucifer just gave her an ingenuous look.

He carried on talking. “You’d get the occasional bad apple, some deluded troublemaker who might try to usurp me to pinch the throne, or perhaps come to Earth to play with stereotypes, but for the most part demons are happy to stay downstairs doing the job they were created to do; punish. It helps they don’t know what they’re missing… I must admit some demons who have been summoned to Earth do try to find a way back. Azazel is a repeat offender. And Pazuzu is a cheeky bastard. Had to take him down a few pegs after they made that damn movie.”

“How many demons are there? Did you make them?”

Lucifer flinched. “Me? Ew! If I’d created Maze do you think I could’ve ever had _sex_ with her? Goodness no!” He shuddered visibly. “Demons are all children of Lilith. And they were fathered by various of my fallen brothers and other unholy beings.”

 _There are more fallen angels?_ Chloe opened her mouth to ask, then shook her head, refusing to be distracted. “How many demons are there?”

“Loads. I believe the technical term is ‘hordes’.” He turned to Maze and smiled affectionately. “Our Maze here is ‘one in a tens of thousands.”

Chloe paused thoughtfully for a while, then turned to Maze. “So this guy you knew - Serra… Sasquatch Spider demon - how come he’s so monstery and scary and you aren’t?”

Lucifer coughed and Maze bristled; she seemed quite affronted.

Chloe stammered, “Uh… I mean…”

Maze cut her off. “Don’t be fooled, Decker; I’m just as much a demon as he is. I am foremost among the Lilim and a demon doesn’t get to be the right hand of the Lord of Hell if they haven’t earned it. I wear this guise while on Earth but my heart is as black as any demon.” Then she bared her teeth in a self-satisfied smile. “ _Blacker_.”

Linda’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Does that mean this isn’t your true face either?”

“No, it’s not.”

Linda said hesitatingly, “Can… we see it?”

“Sure.” Instantly the left side of her face melted away, leaving a twisted mass of exposed bone and sinew, the skin ripped away and the flesh underneath blackened as if by rot. They could see parts of her skull, and some jagged teeth of her lower jaw were exposed as most of her cheek was missing. Instead of its usual dark brown, her left eye was a milky grey colour, and it stared blankly out from a sunken socket. Maze regarded Chloe calmly, an almost defiant expression on the human side of her face, but Chloe thought she detected a touch of apprehension when her gaze flicked to Linda.

Chloe supposed Linda had some idea of what to expect, having already seen Lucifer’s Devil face, and Chloe herself had caught a glimpse of it, but this was the first time she’d seen anything Infernal up close.

She gulped. Beside her Linda blurted, “Holy crap!”

Lucifer chuckled and replied flippantly, “Quite the opposite, actually…”

Linda clapped a hand over her mouth. “Sorry, Maze!”

Maze huffed. Linda scooched along the couch, grasped one of Maze’s hands, and squeezed it.

“So badass,” she whispered, and Maze beamed at her. Then she turned her unnerving gaze back to Chloe and waited expectantly.

Chloe swallowed again, and cleared her throat. “I take it back. That’s the scariest goddamned face I’ve ever seen. And _way_ cooler than Krueger.”

Maze chuckled, bare jawbone moving under torn flesh so that her face was half laughing Maze, half grinning skull. Chloe’s stomach fluttered nervously as scenes from late night horror movies flashed unbidden through her brain.

“Thanksshh.” Maze seemed impressed and relieved at how the two of them had taken her little demonstration. A moment later her face returned to its usual human state and Chloe smiled back, trying to hide her relief.

She’d already reconciled Lucifer to being an angel, physiologically if not temperamentally, and he was still the same person she’d gotten to know over the past year or so. And Maze had proven herself a good and trustworthy friend, just as Lucifer had. And like her mom always told her, it really was what’s inside that matters. Even if what was on the inside was a Hell-forged demon who enjoyed bondage wear, torture, and vodka on her cereal.

“The little human said it was cool too,” said Maze proudly.

Wait, what?

“You showed Trixie? When?”

“When I took her for a walk at Halloween she was bragging about me at every house we went to. Said it was why we got so much candy,” she added.

Then Chloe remembered. At breakfast the next morning Trixie had raved about Maze’s ‘surprise’ Halloween face, and started doing those two-sided drawings of her. Chloe had thought nothing of it, because Trixie was also fond of drawing Lucifer with horns and carrying a pitchfork and writing comic strips where everyone went in Miss Alien’s spaceship on adventures to Mars. So Trixie didn’t _know_... did she? Chloe doubted it. Nah. No. Pretty sure not.

“So Lucifer,” began Linda, leaning forward in her seat, putting down her drink, and folding her hands in her lap, “Since Maze has shared, this is a safe place, and we’re all friends here, can I please see your wings now? Just once, then I’ll stop bugging you, I promise.”

Lucifer shook his head. “Linda, darling, I told you I can’t. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t think your primitive human brain can handle it.”

Linda pursed her lips and replied reasonably, “What about Chloe? She’s got a primitive human brain. She saw them and she’s totally fine.”

“Yes but the Detective is …” Lucifer paused, then carefully added, for some reason not looking at her, “...different.”

Maze made an exasperated noise. “Lucifer, just tell her already. She has the right to know.”

“Tell who what?” asked Chloe.

“Tell _you_ that-”

“ _Mazikeen!!_ ” Lucifer said sharply. Then he went on, more quietly, a note of pleading in his voice, “Please... don’t. I am going to tell her, I just haven’t figured out how to yet. I don’t want to upset her.”

Chloe’s stomach plummeted to her feet. What couldn’t he tell her? It sounded bad… _omigod, what now?_

“What’s wrong with my brain?!”

Lucifer quickly reassured her. “Nothing! It’s perfect.” He scooted along the couch closer to her, clasped her hands and looked reassuringly into her eyes. Chloe realised Lucifer was trying to be _kind_. Even though she knew it was supposed to be the thought that counts, he was scaring the absolute shit out of her.

“Guys just tell me,” Chloe tried to keep the panic out of her voice. “You’re freaking me out!”

Maze opened her mouth to speak, then stopped when Lucifer threw her a quelling look. She shrugged, then settled back into the couch, and Lucifer relaxed.

Then Maze looked back at Chloe and said rapidly in one breath, “You’re a miracle Amenadiel gave his angelic hocus pocus to Penelope so you could be born and God put you in Lucifer’s path and Lucif-!” The rest was lost in a soft _oof_ as Maze suddenly found herself yanked off the couch and hoisted bodily into the air. Linda and Chloe gasped as Lucifer angrily shoved Maze up against the large picture window, holding her off the floor by her throat.

Lucifer yelled in impotent fury, “Why couldn’t you keep your bloody trap shut, demon?!”

Maze was unrepentant. “She has a right to know! She’s my friend too… and this is about her!”

“Mind your business! _I_ was going to tell her!”

“So man up and _do_ it then!” Maze retorted and promptly kicked him in the balls. He grunted but didn’t release his hold on her. She kicked him again and Lucifer huffed angrily and thumped her head against the glass.

“Stop that!”

Linda and Chloe were suddenly there as well, tugging on Lucifer’s arm.

“Lucifer, put her down!”

“Come on guys, violence is not the answer…”

“I beg to differ, Doctor. Violence is the only bloody thing demons understand.” Lucifer clonked Maze against the window again. “I should give you a good thrashing, you little pain in the arse.”

Maze raised an eyebrow and licked her lips. If she’d known he’d be like this about it she’d have told Chloe ages ago; it’d been too long since she’d seen him so fired up, and she liked it. A lot. Even without his Devil face.

Then Lucifer realised she was enjoying it and instantly dropped her. She landed lightly on the floor and they stood toe to toe staring each other down, squaring up for a fight.

Chloe shouldered her way between them. “Break it up, you two.” After several long seconds they separated and churlishly went and sat down at opposite ends of the couch, pouting and glaring.

Chloe looked exasperatedly at the ceiling then went over to sit between them, next to Linda.

“What’s the big deal? All of that just over the fact that your dad blessed my mom so I could be born?”

Lucifer nodded gravely, with that sympathetic look still on his face, as if someone had died or something. In contrast Chloe felt a huge relief; it wasn’t her brain! Jesus, Satan could be such a drama queen.

“Lucifer, why’d you think I’d be upset about it? Doesn’t the whole ‘God exists’ thing kind of mean He made all of us anyway? That’s how I understood it.” She looked between Lucifer, Linda and Maze.

“Not the case?”

“Technically yes, but He’s not generally this ‘hands-on’.” Lucifer eyed her uncomfortably. “Amenadiel came down and bestowed Dad’s blessing on Penelope specifically so that she could have a child. You.”

“But other couples who supposedly can’t conceive have managed to have babies, it’s not unheard of. Did Amenadiel bless them too?”

“No. Apparently only your mother.”

Chloe gulped. “But my dad is still my dad, right? Amenadiel had nothing to do with…” Maze snickered and Lucifer made a face.

“NO! Goodness no! Amenadiel wasn’t involved in… your actual conception, he just made it possible.”

“What’s the difference?”

“The main difference would appear to be your affect on me. You’re the only one who… makes me vulnerable.”

“That’s sweet Lucifer but we already had this conversation and I can’t see what…”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, in your presence, I’m mortal.”

Chloe narrowed her eyes. “Mortal - meaning…?”

“Meaning I can be hurt.”

Linda added helpfully, “Also killed.”

“Which he has been,” said Maze.

“Twice,” finished Linda, pointing her glass at Lucifer.

Chloe did a double take. “Twice? I know about Malcolm - you told me even though I didn’t believe you at the time... Amenadiel cleared it up for me a little. But when did -?”

Maze answered for him. “When you were poisoned. He had to go to Hell to get the antidote formula from the nutty professor.”

Chloe heard a faint rushing sound start in her ears. Even her own voice sounded like it was coming from far away. “You went to Hell? You didn’t have your wings back then, did you? So to get there you had to die?”

They all nodded.

Chloe stared at Lucifer, remembering. “I wondered where you’d got the antidote from. I figured Carlisle was bluffing when he told us he kept the only copy in his head.”

Lucifer casually sipped his drink. “No, he wasn’t bluffing, but he was only too happy to hand it over. When I found him he was very… motivated to help me. Not that it did him any good.” He smiled coldly, and Chloe shivered. Carlisle had slit his own throat in front of her to escape justice but had instead gone straight to Hell, and Lucifer had followed him there to save her life.

Chloe put her head in her hands; she was feeling a little lightheaded. “How did you die?” she mumbled. Then she raised her head and added, “...that time.”

Maze piped up, “Shocked with a heart zapping machine.”

“Defibrillator,” Linda corrected.

“Yeah that.” Maze nodded. “Then we zapped him back.”

Chloe paled. “ **_You_ ** _killed him_?!”

Maze put up her hands. “I wanna say he was asking for it, but I actually couldn’t do it. He did it himself.”

Chloe looked at Lucifer, who shrugged, a little self-consciously. She closed her eyes and put her head back in her hands. She’d learned half the story back at the bar, but back then she’d been more focused on the _how_ of it. It hadn’t really hit home until now. Lucifer was vulnerable not because he’d ‘fallen’, not because he’d come to Earth, but because of _her_.

_He literally died for me. And went through Hell for me._

And stayed with her even though she could literally be the death of him. If she’d ever wanted undeniable proof that he did care about her, a lot, there it was. She swallowed past a sudden lump in her throat.

Chloe was overcome that this man - this _angel_ \- had sacrificed himself for her, not just once but twice. How could she ever thank him enough? She abruptly lifted her head to look into his startled face, then threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. Lucifer jumped, taken completely by surprise, but soon relaxed, even putting his arms around her and patting her on the back.

“It’s… ah… all right, Detective…?” he offered tentatively.

“Thank you, Lucifer,” she whispered, her voice hitching with emotion. “And… I’m sorry…”

Behind her she heard Maze make a loud noise of disgust.

At the same time Linda gently scolded, “ _Maze_ …!” Lucifer yelled, “ _Shut up!_ ”

Chloe lifted her head, tears streaming down her face but her shoulders now shaking with laughter. Conversation was certainly never boring around these two. She wiped her eyes, still chuckling, but because she couldn’t bear to let go of him just yet, she held his hand and squeezed it, as if she could communicate how she felt via osmosis.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“It didn’t seem important.” At Chloe’s disbelieving expression he went on, “Important enough to warrant opening up that particular can of worms anyway. And besides, we’ve had plenty of other topics to discuss.”

Chloe frowned at him. “And avoid, apparently. Seriously, why were you so worried about telling me about the blessing thing? I honestly couldn’t give a shit that your dad helped me be born. Though now I do feel responsible for you getting hurt while working with me…”

Lucifer made an impatient noise. “Nope. All that’s on Dad. I’m more concerned that you don’t seem to have fully grasped the implications of my father’s role in your existence…”

“I’m fine. As far as I’m concerned finding out He exists in the first place means He created everything so that would include me.”

“You don’t know all of it yet. When Dad meddles it’s for fun, to screw with us and manipulate us. He particularly likes screwing with me.”

“Okay, so, fill me in then. What has your dad’s blessing got to do with _us_?”

Lucifer took a deep breath. “My father gave you feelings that weren’t real and put you in my path to manipulate me.”

 _Now hold up just one second._ “You think I’m manipulating you? When have I _ever_ done that, Lucifer?”

“No, not _you_ , Detective - Dad! He’s using you to manipulate me. That’s why my powers don’t affect you.”

Chloe facepalmed. “What? That doesn’t make any sense! How can He be using me? I didn’t even believe He existed until last night! And this thing about being ‘put in your path’ is completely nuts!”

“But that’s classic Dad! He’s always pulling these stunts to force people into his stupid cosmic drama. Have you never heard of the Immaculate Conception?

“No.”

“Oh. Well, rest assured, it’s yet another example of Dad toying with His creations for his own sadistic jollies.”

“Lucifer, I know who I am. My mom and dad made me who I am, my daughter, my life experiences. If your dad helped things along, well, thanks God!” She threw a sarcastic salute at the ceiling. “But He hasn’t done anything to me.” She saw Lucifer was about to argue again so she hurriedly added, “And besides, your theory makes zero sense. If I was put here for you your ability would work on me, surely. When we first met I didn’t even like you. Remember? I thought you were a dick.”

Lucifer nodded. “Yes, I remember. But I also remember that there was a connection between us right from the start. As to my powers, no, because if they had worked on you I wouldn’t have gotten to know you, and I most certainly wouldn’t have fall…” his mouth closed with a snap.

 _Lucifer you tool you tosser you bloody_ **_idiot_ ** _._

Chloe blinked. Suddenly there wasn’t enough air in the room. And she couldn’t decide what she wanted to do more, kiss the life out of him or kick the shit out of him.

“ _Fallen_ for me? So we ARE real! Goddammit Lucifer, why then did you run off to Vegas and marry someone else?”

“So that you wouldn’t want me anymore! Obviously!”

Chloe shook her head in disbelief. What. The. Hell.

“I tried to leave, but soon realised that wasn’t going to work, so I had to figure out how to get you to not like me… that way.”

“You lied to me!”

“No I didn’t.”

He honestly seemed to believe that. Chloe gave him her _seriously?_ look.

“Excuse me, but you are full of shit, Lucifer. You pretended to not be romantically interested in me when in fact you were. Are.” She stepped close to him and poked him in the chest with each word for emphasis. “Ergo, _you_ , **_lied_ **.”

“I never _said_ I didn’t have feelings for you Detective, I _said_ that we were just friends! And that’s what we are - friends... who... just happened to have kissed one time.” He wouldn’t meet her eyes, though.

Chloe shook her head. “That’s a technicality. A lie is a lie, whatever loophole or work-around you think you’ve found to ease your conscience.”

“No, I just didn’t tell you the whole truth.”

“So it’s a lie by omission! Why didn’t you just prove all this to me before, and tell me? Why’d you think that running out on me was the better option?”

“I didn’t realise you’d get so upset about it.”

Chloe almost laughed. _What the actual fuck!_

Lucifer saw the look on her face and added desperately, “I didn’t want to hurt you any more!” All the fight suddenly seemed to drain out of him, and he regarded Chloe with a desolate expression. “When I found out it…” he seemed at a loss as to how to explain himself, and for a man who was never short on words that was telling. “It… tore me inside. I couldn’t begin to imagine what it would do to you, knowing…” he gulped. “Knowing you were Dad’s miracle.”

Again, this thing about being some kinda miracle. As if that changed who she was somehow.

“Tell me again why you decided to prove to me who you were?” she demanded.

“Like I said, so you could make an informed decision about our partnership.”

“So how was not telling me all this, _before_ you ran off to Vegas, why we couldn’t be together any different? Didn’t I have the right to know that, too?”

Lucifer squirmed. “You wouldn’t have believed me. And I didn’t want to show you my true face because I didn’t want to lose you.”

“But then you ran out on me anyway when you took off to Vegas!”

“I realised we couldn’t be together. It… wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“Why wouldn’t it be fair?”

“Because you don’t have a choice in the matter.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because my father put you in my path.”

Chloe waited for several seconds but no further explanation was forthcoming. It seemed to be Lucifer’s entire argument.

“And…? What else? You think He made me kiss you?”

“He must have.”

Chloe squinched her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying very hard not to lose her shit.

“So… you think somehow He ‘programmed’ me to like you. You think he programmed me to like cheesy 90s music too?”

Lucifer muttered, “I wouldn’t be at all surprised.”

“Did He also make me take my top off in a movie? Make me fall in love with Dan, get married? Surely that’s all proof I make my own choices?”

“Yes but you got divorced. It doesn’t count.”

Chloe was incensed. “It fucking _does too_ count!” At Lucifer’s startled look she relented. _Remember he doesn’t know this stuff._

“We had Trixie. She gives my life meaning too. I lost my dad and became a cop. I have a job that I believe in and lets me make a difference. No matter what happens to us we can still choose how we deal with it. And the choices we make is what defines who we are. Not who we’re born or how it happened.”

Lucifer stared back at her, jaw set. She could tell he wasn’t listening. At least, he was hearing her words but she wasn’t getting through to him. She decided to try a different tack.

“You’re always telling me you don’t make people do things. Do you?”

“No!”

“Does God make people do things?”

“Father gave humanity Free Will but denied it to His children. Point of tension between us and why I was booted out of Heaven in the first place.”

“So _God_ made you stand me up. Then later run off to Vegas and get married. He makes you do what He wants.”

Lucifer exploded. “He bloody well does _not_!” He got up from his seat and started pacing by his piano, supremely uncomfortable and unable to sit still any more. Chloe got up too, and followed him.

“So you stood me up of your own free will? Married a stripper and waved her in my face just because you wanted to hurt me?”

“Exotic dancer! Well, singer, if you want to get technical about it. And no of course I didn’t want to!”

“Then why’d you do it?”

“I told you already! So you wouldn’t want me anymore. To give your choice back to you.” _Why is she being so obstinate?_ Lucifer fumed. _Why won’t she see this is for her own good?_

“But I chose YOU, you asshole!” Chloe nearly screamed in frustration. _Omigod why is he being so obtuse? Who the Hell even thinks like this??_

“Detective, I know you have strong feelings for me, but you have to realise you have no control over those feelings…”

Chloe cut him off with a growl. “ _I_ want you, Lucifer, ME! No one else, least of all your dick of a father, has anything to do with how I feel! Why can’t you just accept that?!”

“ _Because I’m not worthy of you!_ ” Lucifer bellowed. Chloe stopped, stunned into silence.

Lucifer fought to get himself back under control, placing a steadying hand on the smooth polished lid of his piano. When he continued his voice was quiet but bitter. “As I’ve already told you. You know who I am, Detective. Even the people I care about I can’t help hurting. I leave pain and destruction in my wake and that’s the simplest definition of evil there is. I am grateful just for the fact that because you’re so good and selfless you’re still willing to be my friend. It’s more than I deserve.”

She stared at him for several moments. “Lucifer.” She took a step toward him.

He looked back at her, uncomprehending. Was she going to punch him again? “What are you doing?”

“C’mere.” She came in close and before he knew what was happening, she had wrapped her arms around him, her hands two warm spots on his back.

“No, Lucifer,” she murmured. “You’re _not_ evil. Don’t listen to people when they say that about you. Evil is something that ruins lives. I’m a cop. I’ve seen plenty.”

Lucifer looked down at the top of the Detective’s golden head. She was pressed so close against him he could feel her warmth seeping through his shirt. He scoffed at her naivete and she huffed a laugh in reply.

“Not as much as you, I know! But enough to know the difference between maliciously causing suffering, sheer bad luck, and just making a mistake. We all do it. It’s what makes us… human. Or human-ish. Nobody’s perfect. Not even your dad, as I’m learning.”

Her hands rubbed soothing circles on his back. “I’m not your friend because I’m some kinda saint. You are worthy of anyone’s friendship. You’re a good man, Lucifer. One of the two best I’ve ever known, actually. The other one’s my dad. He’d like you, I know it. And Dad wasn’t known for being overly accepting of any of the guys I hung out with.” She smiled fondly at the memories. “Mom will back me up on this.”

Lucifer said nothing. He probably still didn’t believe her, but at least he’d quit arguing for the time being.

“You care, you’re generous and brave and loyal and honest. Like, ludicrously honest. You… _bring light_ to the people around you, whether you mean to or not. You couldn’t be evil if you tried.”

Lucifer kept his gaze fixed firmly on the top of the Detective’s head, his jaw clenched. In the face of the Detective’s conviction Lucifer fought down the massive flare of hope rising in his chest. He wanted so much to be wrong about his father’s manipulations, but hope was dangerous. He’d be playing right into His hands.

Even though a minute ago the Detective was mad at him and calling him an arsehole now she was saying she thought he wasn’t evil and was defending the genuineness of her feelings for him. It all seemed so unlikely. But as he felt the warmth of the Detective… of Chloe… embracing him, this miracle who had accepted him completely for who and what he was, he found himself feeling the tiniest spark of something he hadn’t felt for a very, very long time.

Faith.

Chloe suddenly lifted her head and looked up at him, frowning. “So... if God can’t make _you_ do anything, and He doesn’t make _humans_ do anything, how exactly did He get us together? How did He make me have feelings for you?”

Lucifer frowned at her.

Chloe raised her arms and dropped them again in an exasperated gesture. “I’m just trying to follow your logic here.”

At that, from behind her Linda piped up, “Good luck with that.” Maze hummed in agreement. Chloe turned around and saw that the two of them had gotten a bag of popcorn from somewhere and were side by side watching her and Lucifer like spectators at a tennis match.

She had a thought that she’d much rather continue this conversation in private, but now that she’d finally gotten Lucifer to open up she didn’t want him latching onto any excuses to stop talking. So let them listen - they were Tribe after all and it wasn’t like they’d tell anyone.

As it was Lucifer didn’t waste his opportunity, sidling away from her while she was distracted and sitting back down to top up his drink.

Linda sighed inwardly that he’d yet again brought his metaphorical barriers back up but smiled at how he’d subconsciously put the coffee table in between himself and Chloe, as if to physically shield himself as well. Then grinned widely when Chloe followed him to take a seat in the chair right next to him. Chloe wasn’t going to let him go without a fight, and they continued arguing. This was very good. From a therapy standpoint, of course.

“The fucker is omniscient! He enabled your birth, then contrived for us to eventually meet and become partners. Us coming together is for some nefarious scheme of His. He’s a master of this sort of thing. He loves to tinker and meddle and test and manipulate - He’s been doing it since the dawn of Creation!”

Chloe retorted, “But you also said He gave humans free will. So that implies that just because He knows what’s going to happen doesn’t mean He _makes_ it happen.”

Lucifer gave a bark of incredulous laughter.

Chloe protested, “Hear me out! Let me play Devil’s Advocate for a minute.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes but gestured for her to continue.

“If I leave chocolate cake on the kitchen counter while Trixie’s around I know she’s going to sneak some but it doesn’t mean I’m making her do it.”

“But you set her up to fail. Sabotaged your own flesh and blood. She wouldn’t eat it at all if you didn’t put it there.”

“There’s no guarantee of that. This is Trixie. And chocolate cake. She’ll find a way.”

(Unnoticed, on the couch opposite the arguing pair, Maze nudged Linda. “That’s true,” she whispered. Linda hummed approvingly at Chloe’s tactics and reached for more popcorn.)

Lucifer threw his hands in the air. “This is a ridiculous metaphor! And if the chocolate cake had a choice in the matter I’m sure it wouldn’t want to get _eaten_!”

“How do you know?” Chloe’s voice dropped to a breathy murmur. She leaned close to his ear and whispered softly so the others couldn’t hear, “Maybe the cake would _like_ it.” And then she smiled; a knowing, sexy grin.

Lucifer was quite taken aback. And to be completely honest, more than a little turned on. The Detective was normally crap at this sort of thing.

He gulped, then shook his head and retorted stubbornly, “You aren’t cake.” He heard Maze snicker and glared at her, feeling a sudden burning desire to shotput her off the balcony.

The flirty smile fell from Chloe’s face and she sighed. “Well okay, fine if you want to tear apart my little analogy. How about this then? Say you’re the Devil.”

Lucifer snorted. “I’m the Devil.”

Chloe rolled her eyes. “Right. You tell your Almighty dad you want Free Will but He flips out and throws you out of the house. In some knee-jerk attempt to show you ‘accountability’,” she used air quotes and made a face, “He sets you up in your own place but gives you the shittiest job He can think of, one that no one else wants. You are still completely pissed at him, but you stay there and do it. Time passes and you get really, really good at it. And your dad sees you doing a great job for zero thanks and also getting blamed for all of the shit that sends people there and thinks to himself,” her eyes widened comically, ‘Wow, I have been _such_ a monumental _asshole’_.”  

Lucifer snorted with laughter.

Chloe grinned at him and went on, “He says to himself, what could I _possibly_ do to make it up to him? Oh I know, when he wants to quit Hell I’ll let him go, and I’ll put a human in his path who his powers don’t work on so he can finally have a proper friend. She’ll be his equal and his partner and they’ll teach each other stuff, and he can find out for himself what happens when you have Free Will.”

The corners of Lucifer’s mouth were turned up and he was watching her thoughtfully. He was listening, at least.

“The ‘healing your burns and giving your wings back’ thing might’ve been because He thought that’s what you’d want Him to do to show He’s sorry. I would have thought a simple goddamn apology would’ve been easier, I mean how hard is it to just come down and say ‘I’m sorry’?”

Lucifer had a sudden flash of memory. A drugged, slightly hazy one, lying strapped to a gurney in a dingy basement next to a man who claimed to be his father.

_I had no idea you were so angry with me._

_Really? ‘cause I’ve been pretty upfront about it._

_But to wanna destroy me? That’s pretty serious… you mind telling me why?_

_Because… because I’m your son. And you rejected me._

_Oh. Well then I guess I can’t say as I blame you. Fact of the matter is I don’t even remember why I was ever so angry with you to begin with. For what it’s worth, I am sorry. I truly am. And I am proud of you, Samael._

 

Lucifer stared at Chloe. “Bloody Hell. Maybe... He did?”

“Huh?”

“Maybe He did. Through God Johnson.”

“You mean Earl Johnson, the guy from Westridge Canyon, really _was_ God? What, he died and your dad took him over like your mom did to Charlotte?” _Seriously, how is this my life now?_

“Earl didn’t die, no, but he did stumble upon a Divine object which imbued him with the power to heal and… perhaps enabled my father to speak through him. He might have chosen him as His emissary since He’d grounded Amenadiel. Besides which his ‘Favourite Son’ had hardly been doing a bang-up job...”

“So now you think he _was_ your father? _Again?!_ For Christ’s sake, why can’t things ever be simple with your family?!” Then she realised what she’d just said and grimaced. She massaged her temples where a headache was just starting.

_Christ. Yeah, hi, I’m talking to you too. You guys make the Lannisters look like the frigging Brady Bunch._

She sighed heavily. “I need another drink.”

 

\--------------------------

They talked and drank long into the night. About so many things. The peanut gallery gave a critique of their fight, and Linda spoke very positively about their ‘open and frank discussion’, which she said was very satisfying... from a therapy standpoint, of course. Maze merely grunted, “Is that it?”, huffed in disappointment and went and opened one of Lucifer’s thousand-dollar bottles of thirty-something year old single malt.

At around 3am Linda fell asleep, her head on Maze’s shoulder. Maze looked quite pleased about it until she caught Lucifer smirking at her, whereupon she announced she was bored and heading off to find another party. But not before she got a blanket and a pillow from the guest bedroom and carefully tucked Linda in while her former Lord wasn’t looking.

Chloe watched her go, an affectionate smile on her face. Why do Maze and Lucifer keep denying that they cared, and that they had feelings? Because they certainly did have them, even if they couldn’t always identify or deal with them. They were making gradual progress though; they’d both changed so much since their first meeting. And she had too.

Linda stirred slightly, curling into the warm spot on the couch left by Maze’s absence. She’d ended up getting quite hammered at the dive bar, sobered up a bit for a while, then got hammered again once they’d settled in at the penthouse. Chloe _tsk_ ed sympathetically; Linda was going to wake up with a doozy of a hangover tomorrow. She got a glass of water and put it on the coffee table for her, then got herself one as well.

She sighed. She had her own hangover to deal with already; after the alcohol, the emotions, the revelations, the _yelling_ , and it being very late after a _very_ long day the slight throbbing at her temples had increased in strength to a solid pounding. She rolled her neck and yawned, and looked over at Lucifer who’d just got back from the bathroom.

“Well I’m beat.”

Lucifer nodded. “Of course. Thank you for a lovely night, Detective. Please allow me to drive you home...”

“Oh I’m not leaving.” Chloe got up, climbed the steps into his bedroom, crawled onto his bed and sat cross-legged in the middle, her jaw set in the determined expression that he knew so well. He knew she would not be dissuaded from… whatever it was she wanted.

Uh oh. Was the Detective going to try to seduce him again? He fervently hoped not; he wasn’t altogether sure his willpower was up to the challenge of resisting her, especially after being in such close proximity to her all night. He needed to get her out of the penthouse so he could do a little manscaping, try very hard to get drunk again, and maybe watch a bit of porn to take the edge off.

“Ah… Detective? What’re you doing?”

“I’m going to Devil-sit you, make sure you don’t do anything rash.” Her gaze softened at his confused look. “Your wings. Please, don’t cut them off again. I can’t bear the thought of you up here alone hurting yourself.”

He replied airily, “But I wouldn’t be alone, Linda’s still here.”

“Conveniently for you passed out. But she wouldn’t want you to do it either.”

“As she possibly wouldn’t approve of you spending the night in my bed, considering our earlier discussion...”

Chloe threw him a look. “What, you think I can’t help myself?”

“No. After all you did try to jump me once before.”

“Oh I can help myself alright. I’ve been turning you down for over a year, I think I can manage one more night.” She crossed her arms and regarded him coolly.

“Alright… _fine_ ,” he said petulantly, but Chloe thought she detected an undercurrent of relief. “I can’t very well do it with you here, I’d no doubt bleed to death. Then be stuck in Hell with only one wing,” he added sourly. “Flying in circles.”

Despite the gruesome topic of conversation the mental picture he painted made Chloe break into giggles. Lucifer couldn’t take anything seriously for long, but maybe she’d bought some time. Maybe tomorrow Linda could convince him not to self harm anymore. The thought made her breathe a little easier and she heaved a sigh of relief. Then yawned so widely her jaw clicked. She suddenly realised she was about to fall asleep where she sat, and rolled over with a groan to drop face first into Lucifer’s luxurious pillows.

\-----------------------

Lucifer gave up. The Detective was staying, that was all there was to it. She looked absolutely shattered so he loaned her one of his shirts to sleep in and insisted she take his bed as he didn’t need it just yet. He was surprisingly tired however - no doubt because he’d spent an entire day mortal with her, and therefore needed sleep as much as she did.

She brushed her teeth and was soon settled cosily in his enormous king-sized bed, her long hair fanning across his dark linen like spun gold in the lamplight. The sight made Lucifer’s heart flutter in his chest and he turned resolutely away, trying not to think about how those silky tresses would feel running through his fingers.

He cheered up when he saw Linda crashed out on the couch. His not- so- sneaky ex-demon had forgotten to take off her glasses, so he carefully removed them and put them on the coffee table. He straightened, then looked down at her thoughtfully for a moment before heading to his walk-in robe.

A few moments later he re-emerged carrying a white feather, glowing faintly in the dimmed lights of the penthouse. Lucifer grinned and balanced it on Linda’s forehead but she grunted and batted it off, her nose twitching irritably. He retrieved it and with fingers nimble as a pickpocket’s slid it inside her shirt without her waking. As he walked back past the steps of his bedroom he saw its healing power start to illuminate the room, albeit with a far less powerful light than when he’d healed her before.

“Lucifer.” Chloe’s sleepy voice floated down the steps and he looked up to see her sitting up in his bed. “What is that?”

Lucifer glanced behind him at the glow emanating from the couch.

“Oh, that? I just thought I’d give Linda a feather - otherwise I think she’d pull up more than a little dusty tomorrow. I owe her a good deal of TLC after what Mum did to her. And I happen to have a drawer full of spares at the moment.” His mouth quirked ironically. “Call it celestial ‘hair of the dog’.”

Chloe laughed. Then she patted the bed next to her. “C’mon. There’s plenty of room. Don’t worry - I’m not gonna tear my clothes off and hog the bed this time. Promise.”

Lucifer raised his eyebrows but ascended the steps, removing his shoes, socks, shirt and belt, then chuckled as he walked around to the other side of the bed. “But I have no doubt you’ll still snore like an Albanian field wench…” then dodged as she lobbed a pillow at him.

He went to climb under the sheets then appeared to think better of it, choosing to stretch out on top of the duvet instead. Chloe almost laughed; she never thought she’d see the day where Lucifer Morningstar was shy. It was so _not_ him.

They lay facing each other, Chloe trying to switch her brain off so she could get to sleep. It wasn’t working, though. Lucifer, as per usual, wasn’t quiet for long; he seemed worried at her silence.

“What’s the matter?” he asked after a few minutes.

“Nothing. Just thinking. About stuff. It’s been one hell of a day.”

“Indeed. I can’t imagine you feel all that great about learning that you’re literally a ‘gift from God’.”

She threw him a puzzled look. “Did I hear air quotes?”

“Yes. That’s what ‘Jane’ means, apparently. ‘Gift from God’.

“Really? Huh. I didn’t know that.”

Lucifer thought, but didn’t say, that there was a lot the Detective didn’t know.

“Eh. What’s in a name anyway, ‘Satan, Father of Lies’? I’ve still got free will, right?”

Lucifer stirred uncomfortably. He clearly didn’t think so.

Chloe, on the other hand, did. She answered herself, firmly.

“ _Right_.”

He looked at her, his dark eyes full of doubt. She wanted nothing more than to make him believe that she was telling him the truth, but he was being a stubborn asshole, as per usual.

She had a sudden flash of understanding of what it must have been like for Lucifer over the past year or so, telling her, even showing her the truth about himself over and over again and her relentlessly refusing to believe him. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on her.

“I can choose to not be a part of it,” she said, “But I _want_ to be a part of it; of your life. What we have goes beyond work or sex, I’ve said that before, and I don’t wanna lose you again. Whatever happens, Lucifer, I’m not going anywhere.”

Lucifer cut in, suddenly very upset. “This is exactly what I’m talking about! You’re willing to surrender your freedom... for _me_!”

“Lucifer, loving someone doesn’t mean you give up your freedom -”

“Yes it does, Detective. It means you allow others to hold your happiness to ransom.” His expression hardened. “What’s to stop them from betraying you? Casting you aside, despising you…” he stopped, but Chloe knew that of course he was talking about his family.

She clenched her teeth and directed her thoughts at the ceiling. _Dear God, how the fuck could you have hurt him like that?_

“If they decide to betray you, you can’t stop them.” Chloe swallowed, and Lucifer knew she was thinking about The Douche. If Dan was here, he’d have belted him.

She reached out to squeeze him reassuringly on the arm, and his heart nearly stopped beating when he saw her beautiful blue-green eyes shone with tears in the soft light. There was no tremor in her voice, though.

“You just have to trust that they won’t.”

\-----------------------

Finally, Chloe slept.

She awoke some time later in the pre-dawn winter chill to find herself on Lucifer’s side of the bed. She must’ve wriggled over to him during the night; when they’d been together Dan had always called her his ‘heat-seeking missile’. Lucifer had fallen asleep after all, and didn’t seem to mind her crowding him - she was on her back snuggled right up into his considerable body heat and he was curled on his side facing her, one arm and one long leg thrown across her body and his hand on her hip. _Aww who’d have thunk it_ , she thought. _Satan is a happy drunk_ **_and_ ** _a cuddler. Could he be any sweeter?_ She rolled to face him, being careful not to disturb him, and gazed into his sleeping face.

In repose Lucifer looked younger, almost boyish. His thick black lashes brushed his cheek and his lips were parted slightly, his breathing deep and even. His hair had gotten mussed by his pillow and one lone curl stuck out from the top of his head. She lifted a hand and reached up to gently smooth it down, then froze as Lucifer stirred and mumbled something unintelligible. The next moment there came a soft _whump_ as his wings unfurled, draping across the entire bed with a soft rustling sound and covering them both in a blanket of softly glowing white feathers. Chloe held her breath, thinking she’d woken him, but when his eyes remained closed she slowly let it out again.

 _Let sleeping angels lie_ , she thought to herself, but she couldn’t resist a little test first. She gently took hold of his wing and lifted it off her - she was taken aback at how light it was for its massive size - then let go. It dropped straight back down onto her and she grinned. _Out like a light_. She was tempted to do it again but she didn’t want to wake him up; she knew the moment he realised his wings were out he’d get annoyed and hide them again. And his dad only knew if and when she’d get another chance to do this.

So she decided to make the most of it. She gently stroked his wing, the slow and repetitive movement soothing. As her fingers ran lightly through his feathers she felt a familiar warm and contented feeling, and to her surprise her headache vanished. She smiled as her eyelids grew heavy. The Devil made one hell of a dreamcatcher.

As she caressed him, Chloe whispered softly, “What do you desire?” Then she sighed. _Never mind, I know. You told me - to be your own man._ _You want to be known and accepted… and loved… for who you are. You don’t believe that you’ll ever get it, ‘cos you don’t think you deserve it._ She held him a little tighter.

“But you **do** ,” she said fervently. “And I’ll keep telling you ‘til you believe me. Like you had to do for me.” Chloe snuggled into Lucifer’s side, her arm draping comfortably across his wing and back.

“Hmmph… ‘tective...” The wing that lay over her suddenly extended, the other one too, the tips of the longest feathers brushing the walls as Lucifer stretched. Then they curled back in, squeezing tight around the both of them before again flopping back down onto the bed. Lucifer let out a mighty sigh and drew Chloe closer. She nestled against him and smiled contentedly, making him a promise as she drifted off again.

_I’m gonna make you believe me, Lucifer. However long it takes._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -And that's it for this story! For what was meant to be a fairly short interlude of a bit of fun and a bit of exposition for Chloe it ended up even longer than Joshua Trees which was extremely unexpected. Hope you enjoyed a night out with the gang as much as I did!  
> \- I am continuing this series, so subscribe and you won't miss anything. The next instalment is going to be an Ella-centric story which will explore certain questions raised while she was out drinking with the Devil. :) It might be a while though, as I have a few things I really must do, one of which is volunteering at the Commonwealth Games which start here on the Gold Coast in *just* over a month. So excited!! I'll be at the beach volleyball and the Rugby 7s, so keep an eye out for me on the telly. :D  
> \- Thank you so much for kudos and comments, they are the best! They really help with inspiration as well as just put a massive stupid grin on my face. :)  
> \- Thanks to PokerFace84 for the beta and lovely writerly suggestions too - go check her out because you do NOT wanna miss her latest epic tale... :O
> 
> \- Linda's perm pain is also mine. Short perms were the bane of my high school class photos... for some unknown reason I had THREE :/  
> \- Chloe and I both watched The Exorcist when we were 15. Chloe watched it with her mum but I was stupid/naive enough to watch it alone, in a strange hotel room, after midnight, after my family had gone to bed. To this day no other horror flick has scared me quite so badly as Pazuzu and Regan's teamup.  
> \- the image of Lucifer asleep with one curl sticking up from his head was inspired by one of Moppy(Tom's fiancee)'s Instagram posts... though she'd superimposed little bunny ears and a twitching nose on him too. :)
> 
> \- And I've assembled a playlist of the music mentioned (and some not mentioned, but that I can imagine playing in the show) which you can find at https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5bSLZPe6IGRehLEPbWH1k4prE_dFgirL if you'd like to hear some classic Aussie pub rock, some 70s and 80s gems and some newer music as well... it's quite eclectic :)


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